June 30, 2009

Smell My Arm

On Friday morning, I took my kids to the lotion store in the mall where earlier in the week I had purchased five steeply discounted items but mysteriously only made it home with four. While I explained the situation to the cashier, my three older children got high on the noxious fumes of fruit-scented body spray. While the cashier searched the store's lost and found for my missing lotion, Cortlen tugged on my shirtsleeve. A quick glance confirmed that 100% of my son's exposed skin was covered with various shades of scented slime.

"Smell my arm," he commanded, sticking his greasy and extremely fragrant appendage in my face. He explained that while I had been talking to the cashier, he had been systematically testing every lotion on display. His left arm represented the entirety of the store's inventory.

While Cortlen was busy with his task, Kellen had taken up one of his own. I found him at the store's display sink, trying out a dozen foaming hand soaps one at a time.

"Hey!" he whined when I turned off the faucet. "I have seven more to go!"

"Let's go," I said.
"But my hands are all soapy!" he cried.

I made all of my children roll around on the small patch of grass growing outside the front doors of Macy's before getting into the car. No one asked the reason for my request because they already knew.


Like dogs and large woodland mammals, we are often overcome by necessity to leave our scent on the places we visit.

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Any pint-sized lotion lovers out there?

25 comments

kkicks said...

Can relate. It's one of my kids favorite stores and they beg to torture me by taking them there!
lOVE IT! I'll have to remember the grass tip.

Jo's girl said...

well having 2 of the girliest girls on the planet they love any thing make-up which includes all toiletries don't cha know. especially lotion. since they haven't even hit the 5 year mark on this earth they are limited to what is allowed them unfortunately lotion fits this category of "allowed" "make-up. so when i absolutely have to go into bath and body works (which is usually to exchange flavors for "good ones" that my sweet husband has purchased me.) they have a field day. and it's all I can do to wrangle them in from emptying every tester bottle they can get their greasy little hands on. we usually leave the store dragging kicking and screaming children and i make vain oaths that I will never allow them into such establishments again. but gosh darn the grapefruit foam soap is exquisite!

Meagan and John said...

I don't know, I think I would prefer my kids to love lotion, instead he likes to cover himself in super stinky stuff and then asks why I want him to take a bath

www.lewis4higher.blogspot.com

The Mother said...

The only time I sanction scent abuse?

Puberty.

There is NO stink like a pubertal boy. It's stink on steroids (literally).

Renny said...

ha, whenever I went to a store like this with my mom or sister I'd spray the perfume on them to see if I liked it. I can always catch them unawares...

Elizabeth said...

Hahaha! Sooo funny! I have little girly girls so I'm used to this behavior. I had to toss a bottle of said lotion that my youngest received as a gift a couple of days ago b/c every time she used it I could taste it in my mouth! Gross. She would just die and have a meldown if she knew. Luckily, she has so much "make-up" that she hasn't missed it.

KB said...

Our secret to getting through sacrament meeting is Bath & Body works lotion and foaming hand sanitizer. I just keep getting requests for more and each dab takes up a few minutes. So the back row smells of Warm Vanilla Sugar or Sweet Pea...

Rene said...

It reminds me of driving teenage boys to dances - dead of summer in the heat or freezing winter the windows to the van remained OPEN. May times I marvel that I did not pass out with all of the fumes in that small of a space. By the time they were smart enough to not saturate themselves they were old enough to drive themselves.

Kiki (G.G.) said...

That's Why I Go To The Mall... ALONE!
-Kiki

Foursons said...

That store makes me sick just walking into it. Too many scents in one small confined space.

Brooks said...

Of course my house is full of pint-sized lotion lovers. The better question is, "How do I get an entire bottle of lotion out of my bedroom carpet?"

Rebecca is Thrilled by the Thought said...

I can't get the lotion out of my toddler's hands. Or the chapstick. Or the ballpoint pens.

Christa said...

My twins think lotion is the best thing on the planet! I can only put it on while they're asleep or else I spend an hour putting ridiculously small amounts in their hands over and over and over!

damselindisdress said...

I heard somewhere that it's a loving/bonding thing to rub lotion on a child's hands, so during church I did this for my poor bored ten year old boychild. I used my favorite little purse lotion, a yummy-citrusy one I had from a stay in a hotel.

Just when I was thinking the magical bonding was happening he said Out Loud And Not In A Church Voice: What's that SMELL???

Heather said...

While I was trying to find a new perfume in Sephora, my 5 year old decided she would try some, too. I was so focused on my mission and was excited she was "being quiet." One minute later, bloody murder screams were coming out of her mouth. I looked down in time to see that she had decided to see exactly how the perfume came out of the tiny hole. It went directly into her eyes and I had to carry her out in hysterics. I still have no new perfume, and she refuses to return to Sephora!

Nora Ray said...

My daughter put lotion up and down both arms one time while I was waiting to pay for my purchase. Before we made it out of the store she had broken out in bumps and big red splotches and was squealing "My arms itch, mommy, they itch!". I wasn't aware that she had any allergies before then and it was a really awkward way to find out.

Lee Jarvis said...

I just endured a trip to B&BW this evening with my oldest boys. Nothing strengthens the mother-son bond like a lotion store.....

Audra said...

My almost two-year-old loves lotion and hand sanitizer. The problem is she can't say "hands" correctly and she will hold out her hands and say her version of the word to ask for some lotion or hand sanitizer. I am very embarrassed in public or worse at church when she so sweetly asks for some lotion on her "ass"! It is so hard not to chuckle at her!

Lori said...

I can't believe you even set foot in one of those stores with kids! My daughter has been known to drag her Grandma around for an hour smelling things and spraying herself with perfume at Ulta!

Lindy said...

Wow - if you knew then what you know now, I'm guessing you would have cut your losses and not gone back for the other lotion! :)

Nick and Tiffany said...

I've had to lock up all my lotion because my 4 yr old daughter thinks it's hilarious to mix them up in the bathtub, or on the carpet, whichever makes the biggest mess.

MaLeah said...

When my brother and I were younger we used to have "perfume fights" in stores. My mom would be livid of course, but we always managed to do this and by the time she caught us it was too late. We'd try to find the nastiest smelling perfumes or colognes on the shelves and spray each other with the sample bottles. We frequently had to ride home with the windows down. :)

Amy said...

My SON is obsessed with soaps and lotions. He is the dirtiest, playing-in-the-muddiest, construction-loving boy who never wants to take a bath, but when I finally haul him up there, he has to have his array of soaps and lotions. He refuses to voluntarily cut his fingernails, comb his hair, or put on clean clothes, but he is always smelling like fruit/flowers/cotton blossoms and is silky smooth after a bath.

The Mommy said...

My MOTHER does this with perfume EVERY TIME we go shopping together! I have threatened to ban her from yhe car on more than one occasion! I wish I would have thought to make her roll on the grass...

Anonymous said...

After 2 boys, I finally have my girl, and she is such a girly girl! While only being 1, any time I put lotion on she sticks her hands out and isn't happy until I give her some. She then rubs her hands together and laughs, thinking it is the best thing ever!