March 2, 2010

Boy v. Food


A few weeks ago, my husband showed my boys an episode of Man v. Food. Over the course of an hour, the host ate a pizza the size of a side table.

Later that night, I caught Cortlen and Kellen in front of the mirror. They were measuring the width of their mouths with rulers.

"Do you think a 48-ounce steak would fit in here?" Cortlen asked his brother, opening his mouth as wide as he could.

"I could eat 77 doughnuts if Mom would let me," Kellen bragged.

Needless to say, every meal has the potential to turn into an eating contest.

"I'll have 17 bean burritos please," Cortlen told the cashier at Taco Bell yesterday.

"Minus sixteen," I corrected.

I was charged for 17 burritos.

By the time the accounting error was fixed, Cortlen and Kellen were gagging. They each had half of a burrito hanging from their lips.

"That is totally nasty," I told them. "Not to mention really bad manners."

Kellen tried to correct me. What he and his brother were doing was not rude or repulsive, but necessary in order to meet the basic requisites of manhood.

Three words into his manifesto, the burrito got the best of him. A large wad of partially chewed food tumbled out of his mouth...and landed on my taco.

"I think I'm going to cry," I announced to the occupants of my table.

My son snatched the burrito off my lunch and shoved it into his mouth. He had come too far to be disqualified by such misfortune.

"You're going to cry?" he asked, genuinely perplexed. "Why?"

23 comments

Too Many Hats said...

ROFLOL - just wait until they are teens and they don't even have to try to eat like that it will come naturally. On a side note, that show is probably one of the most disgusting shows I have seen. I am surprised that host hasn't died of a coronary.

Rachel said...

This is too funny!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

This was funny. We watch this show too but so far my boys havent "tried" it.

Vicky said...

HAHA! I agree with "Too Many Hats"...it will become a normal part of life when those boys become teens!! And 17 burritos will be the appetizer alone!!

WILLIAM said...

I think you could work this into your favor. Tell the kids if they want to have eating contests they need to cook too. Teach them to cook and you are set.

Kelli said...

The previous comments regarding the teen years are spot on! My almost-26 year old nearly ate us out of house and home during his teens. Right now my 7 year old boy is too picky for my purse to feel threatened.

I'm not sure which I prefer.

the thrifty ba said...

that is so funny-i think my kids try and see who can eat the LEAST! id be upset but it saves a ton of money...

Lainie said...

Whew! I thought it was just me! I've come close to banning this show in my house for that very reason. My younger one has a habit of eating so much food that it stacks up in his esophagus and he just simply gags when the food has nowhere to go. You'll be seeing him on that show before you know it.

Sarah G {austinbygeorge} said...

Oh my gosh ..that's plain funny.

My husband loves Man vs. Food but we have all girls at this house! I can only imagine how it would go down with boys...hee hee

Emmy said...

Lol! Their need to "meet the basic requisites of manhood." too too funny... but you know they might be right ;)

Anonymous said...

My husband and I watch that show too. I'll have to remember not to turn it on in front of the kids when they get a bit older! :)

Mary

Emz said...

love the show. love the post. at least they didn't go for the wings of fire?!?!

Donna said...

they're such boys! I'm never showing that show to my boys, altho it might get them to eat whatever I make if I make it a contest.

Parenting Ink said...

Prerequisites to manhood? In my house, it also includes loving motorcycles, tools, hiking boots, and beef jerky. How did we already engender our 2 1/2 year-old?

Susan said...

I love boys and their preoccupation with trying to be macho! I'm with William on teaching boys to cook. I say, teach a boy to cook and he will still try to out do anyother male on the block!

Susan
http://susan-chicdaisy.blogspot.com/

Margaret said...

Well I don't want to watch your sons eat lol. I wouldn't have been able to eat my food after that happened to it. You gotta love how to him it was no big deal.

Jo's girl said...

me and my brothers would have lame competitions over EVERYTHING. if it wasn't who could eat the fastest it was who could eat the most with out throwing up. who could pee faster when we had to take a mandatory potty break before a movie. or who could walk farthest in the dark basement before hitting something. we were so stupid. gotta love boys

The Saved Quarter said...

My four year old wanted to "play Boy versus Food" at dinner recently. He had a broccoli eating contest with his dad. I love that my kid was happy to have a *broccoli* eating contest! We made a big deal about boy WINNING!

Melissa said...

you know...i have always thought that having twin boys would be a blast...tiring but hilarious...and you prove me right every day!

i love them.

Crazy Lady said...

Ah boys. Too funny!

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