March 28, 2010

World Record Holder!!!!

One of my life goals has always been to break a world record. After disqualifying several high school track & field relay teams by dropping batons, running around hurdles, and accidentally running in other teams' lanes, I decided that my chances of making the Olympics were very slim. And so I turned to Guinness.
After a failed attempt in my late teens to grow my fingernails into four-foot claws, I set my sights on country line dancing my way into the history books. This horrific experience dampened my self-confidence for several years. Only recently have I mustered the courage to try again. Shortly after the birth of my twins, I became quite convinced of my ability to eat the most Twinkies in an hour. One particularly hideous afternoon, I ate a dozen creme-filled cakes in one sitting. I haven't touched the delicacy since.

Given my sheer number of failed attempts at greatness, you can understand why I was becoming a bit panicked about the prospect of crossing the threshold into middle age without a trophy or medal or fill-in paper certificate. You can also understand why I jumped at The Great Wolf Lodge's invitation to participate in the resort's attempt to break the Guinness World Record for "longest distance water sliding in 24 hours at multiple venues" held in honor of the opening of their newest water slide, the Double Barrel Drop.

For the story, click HERE

14 comments

Amy R. Nelson said...

I share your desire to be great in some way. In fact after the most recent Olympics I'm determined to learn how to curl, I figure it's my last shot at making the Olympics. (Unless diaper changing with the child standing becomes an event)

Way to make a dream come true and be a part of a world record! Also, the great wolf lodge rocks!!

Jennifer said...

There should be some sort of official record for the longest number of hours a mother can listen to a whining child without screaming at said child. Granted, I wouldn't win that one...

Stef said...

Good for you!! Now you have something to tell your kids.
I too wanted to beat the fingernail record...until I saw it is a book once and was repulsed. Have you seen how UGLY those nails are! ICK!

Cathryn said...

I met this woman in a mall in SLC 20 years ago!! She came into the store I was managing (Casual corner) looking for sweaters or tops with really large armholes kinda like vests but open in the armpits down to the waist, do you remember those from the 80's?? That was the simplest way for her to put on a shirt because at that time they doubled back and hit the back of her hand making callous marks on in her skin. She explained that she was working toward the record, and that the nails would straighten out when she soaked them, plus being 20 years ago, they are significantly longer than when I saw them. I was really grossed out to tell you the truth! The nails were yellowed and she had recently had red nail polish on them which hadn't been taken off all the way. Plus can you imagine all the things she can not do because of them? I don't even want to think about it!

Kari Lin M. said...

The woman with the nails lives in SLC and fairly recently got into a car accident in which they all broke.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Redmond

Valerie S said...

I laughed my head off at the picture. I'm so glad you aren't going for that world record. I think that woman is from here in Utah. She was in a car accident a while ago and the all broke off. I bet she said "Whew, now I can live a normal life". When I see women with long fingernails like that my mind goes straight to the bathroom. I don't even want it explained how they manage that.

StayJo said...

OH My, when I first saw the picture I thought she was holding HULA HOOPS, but to my horror I realized those are her fingernails! Yikes.

Pastrami said...

You remind me a bit of Bobby Brady after Cindy came home with the crossing guard trophy...

Carson Clan said...

Aw, crap, is Face Stuffing being eliminated from the Olypmics again? Well, I guess all those Starcrunches didn't go COMPLETELY to waste... I am a nursing mother after all...

Love your blog. I always tell my mom your latest stories, like I know you. I don't bother to explain to her that you are a stranger in another state. The blogosphere is such a weird place, don't you agree?

grammaDawn said...

Sad that she got in an accident, but it wasn't a total tragidy..... 2 great things came out of this one.
1. She lost her nails, and
2. She can now wipe her own tush in the bathroom.
Anybody out there have one good reason this would be a great record to hold???

The Marinator said...

Congrats on making a world record. I made one once (along with hundreds of other people) at a baseball game. We all wore clown noses during one of the innings and set the record for most people wearing clown noses at a time. Not exactly the record I dreamed I'd set as a kid, but my children think it's awesome!!!!

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