April 19, 2010

The Vintage Frock

My mom passed away from breast cancer when I was in high school so, by default, I inherited the Mother of the Bride role in my siblings' weddings. Next month, my sister Amy is getting married. I've already told her that if I'm going to be the MOB, then I'm going to be a hot one.

"That's entirely unnecessary," she told me.

As I have discovered, finding an appropriate dress for the occasion is not the problem; finding one that meets all of my criteria, however, is. The dress I'm looking for must be skin tight, have sleeves, fall past the knee, and be machine washable. It also must cost less than $30.

"I need to approve anything that you buy," my sister informed me over the phone.

Truth be told, if my sister had it her way, I would not buy a dress at all for her wedding. In an email I received last week, Amy suggested that I instead purchase a "vintage frock."

"Everybody else is doing it," she said, referring to the rest of the wedding party.

"That doesn't make it right," I hissed back. I then felt compelled to remind her that the same group of people watch foreign films on purpose and sometimes forget to shave their armpits.

"Besides," I said, "Wearing another person's clothes kind of creeps me out."

This isn't true, but it served the desired purpose of sending my conservationist sister over the edge.

To prove that my fears are totally unfounded, Amy sent me a photo of a dress currently listed on E-Bay.

"What's wrong with this one?" she asked indignantly.


I rest my case.

51 comments

Lin said...

lol...there are SO many things wrong with that!

togetherforgood said...

Oh come on. With the right accessories it would be fine! I'm thinking a nice paper bag for over your face would be a start . . .

happyfamily said...

Do you think they have a listing for the wig too?

Hillori said...

You almost made me pee my pants!

Teri said...

Tell her you'll wear it if you can do your hair that way for the wedding too!
Ps. That is a GRANNY dress!

Jeff and Michelle Galovan said...

OH MY GOODNESS! haha that is soo funny! I love vinatge... but come on, thats just terrible! There is nothing "hot" about that!

Emily Heizer Photography said...

OH MY GIRAFFE! What IS that? A dead animal? BURN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Emily
http://eheizerphotography.com

Anonymous said...

Tell her you wouldn't dream of taking away the oportunity for her to wear that as her 'on the way to the honeymoon' dress. Maybe you could be crafty like my sisters and just make what you want. it always works for them. (never me)

Livy said...

She hates you. I'm just sayin... LOL

[Stacia] said...

Is she serious? :)

MermaidMommy said...

that's just bad...

Try fashion bug!

On another note... you should totally buy her that dress and give it to her as a wedding present! ><

Becca said...

I'm going to have to agree with Livy here. Talk about personal vendetta.

Make her buy you something from anthroplogie. Those *look* vintage, right?

Kensi said...

oh geez! I think the skin tight dress sounds sooooo much better!

Mrs. Ohtobe said...

Yikes - I couldn't see the dress past the wig at first. Oh. My. Best wishes on the vintage frock hunt. When I was the MOG I heard a great line: wear taupe and keep your mouth shut.... ;)

Jen said...

Laughing riotously! Can't stop laughing! PLEASE post wedding photos, please. Bwahaaaahahaaaaahaa! Love it Jana. Love it. You make my day. :-)

GooChick said...

Um, I'm more worried about why someone would have a mannequin in there house and feel the need to "improve" its look by adding the wig....

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Does it come with the wig? Because seriously, if I wore that dress, I would wear a wig. And a ski mask.

Cheryl said...

You MUST have the hair to go with it!

Sara said...

That photo will never sell that dress, even on Ebay. I think you should buy it! haha!

Heather Fretz said...

That is AWFUL.

Stand your ground!

Anonymous said...

Well, if you sister really likes that pattern, I'm sure you can find a brand new one just like it in any department store these days...

or just go in burlap. That's sustainable, right?

Olivia Singleton said...

Ugh, don't do it!

Renny said...

I like vintage clothes. :-/
Oh, and please at least get that wig.

CountessLaurie said...

A frock? I don't think so!!Definitely buy that and give it to her.

Donna said...

That dress is hideous! You should get the wig and threaten to wear it with your skin tight dress.

PS. Why would someone have a mannequin in their house? I wouldn't buy anything from them on those grounds alone.

Pam said...

Well, if you could get the wig thrown in with the frock, I'd definitely do it! Now that would be HOT!

Mal said...

The fact that even the manikin looks ashamed should clue your sister in to the fact that it's not okay.

Anita Cramer Wells said...

I just searched for "vintage mother bride dress" on ebay and found several hideous ones that match your requirements. Nothing as great as your sister's find, though.

MrsDixon said...

This is too much!! Hopefully you get the wig too!

Lulucarrot said...

Jana, in a blog world where people act like their lives are a vintage wonderland where children fart roses and poop sunshine, I am so grateful for your blog. I love you. Seriously, I do.

The Cox Family said...

I would act like you never got the email.....

sturpin said...

Jana - I have been reading for a while, but just read your intro (silly me). My daughter was also born with hydrops. I enjoy the blog!

Jen said...

I'd contact the eBay seller and tell them you want to buy it but have it shipped to your sister as a wedding present. You'll pay extra if they'll wrap it in nice wedding gift paper. Let them know your sister has been looking for that exact outfit for a long time and she'll be tickled. Plus she needs the wig - tell them about your mom's breast cancer and then say, "And my sister ... well ... she got my mom's genes (sob, big breath) ... she could really use that wig right now. Could you include that for only $5 more?"

Yes, revenge is sweet.

Cindy said...

It only works with the wig. And the mannequin.

the emily said...

I'm sorry about your mom. My mom was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago and had a mastectomy 3 weeks ago, and is doing reconstruction on Thursday. It's a hard process but I'm grateful to still have her.

You should get that dress and wear it just to spite your sister now.

Anonymous said...

Vintage without the vintage.

http://www.chadwicks.com/clothing/Vintage-Sheath-Dress.aspx?PfId=189375&DeptId=8217&ProductTypeId=1&PurchaseType=0

I'm just sayin.

Bethany said...

Oh man..well, starting with the HAIR on that lady I have issues! ;)

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

I know I am weird but I sort of like that dress. It is probably my age. But the wig and the model give me the creeps. She looks like she has had a few too many. Anyway, good luck with finding a dress. I hope you will let us know what you end up with.

Anna said...

Even that mannequin looks like it'd rather be anywhere, doing anything else, than wearing that "frock". That dress is hideous!

Ann said...

I truly hope she is wearing a new dress that demonstrates her good taste. You would certainly be the talk of the event in that "gown" : ) Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I will have you know that I shaved my armpits three days ago. And I haven't watched a foreign films in weeks. But I did have my final screening for my experimental documentary class...so I think that kinda counts...

Kathy said...

Surely, you jest...again! :)

Heather said...

Out of curiosity, I went to Dillards online and looked at their specifically lableled mother of the bride dresses. http://www.dillards.com/endeca/EndecaStartServlet?N=1604015
If only you didn't have those sleeve requirements, I think you could pull of the Gianni Bini "Selene" Dress nicely.

midnight hysteria said...

heeeeeeeeey .... whomever said *that's a granny dress* has NOT met this granny .... i would no more wear that dress than i would ..... granny jeans ... or ...well, i have to say it, *crocks* ...

LOL ... love the pic!

AlsoMean said...

Does vintage also include something from Goodwill or that Mennonite thrift shop you frequent?

christine said...

As a lover of vintage clothing I have to say...Just because it's old doesn't make it vintage.

That dress is just old. And also ugly. And a lot of other words too.

If you'd like help finding a hot vintage dress I'm on board. They are out there. Don't go for 80's though. Go for the 40's. Hot without being um, how to put this, slutty.

Emily said...

Hahahahaha! Does it come with the wig? If so, I AM SO BUYING IT before you!! :)

Eric M. Sales said...

That mannequin looks like a crack-head!! Loves it!!

xoxEMS
www.ericmsales.com

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