May 17, 2010

Realtor Interviews

Over the weekend, I invited three realtors to our home. My husband is clearly not serious about selling our house because he would not let me interview any of my top choices.

"I am not having a picture of a husky on my front lawn for three months," he stated.

My husband's choice was a man who bought a filing cabinet from us off Craigslist last week.

"You movin'?" George asked when he saw all the boxes. I nodded my head.
"You're in luck!" he replied and sat down at my kitchen table. "I'm a real estate agent."

George did have a couple things going for him including a business card and a wife who would "stage the heck" out my house for free. The only thing that worried me about George is that he has been in the real estate business for four years and has yet to acquire a listing.

Realtor # 2 was recommended to us by a neighbor. For inexplicable reasons, Rose brought her husband to the appointment, which lasted all of eleven minutes. She needed to do some more research, but Rose's initial thought was that we could double our asking price if we remodeled our kitchen, added a bathroom, and paved our driveway with gold. "As is," she told us, "Your prospects don't look so good."

I found signs for Realtor 3 staked into the front yards of several homes in a nearby subdivision. The signs didn't have pictures (-5 points) but the woman listed on them did have a promising first name: Candy (+ 5 points). Candy pulled up to my house five minutes early in a convertible BMW. About 45 years old, Candy was working it in a red mini-skirt, platform heels, and a black leather jacket.

"My daughter's first communion is later this afternoon," she explained.

I offered her the job on the spot.

"This has disaster written all over it," my husband told me as he watched Candy speed off down the street.

I couldn't disagree more. Candy is pretty much perfect.

28 comments

Mark and Denise said...

Best of luck Jana. You and Candy could be a fine team! My condolences on the "always have your house clean" expectations for selling.

Heather said...

"Pave your driveway with gold." I just choked on my lunch.

We are done with this part and now ready to pack up. Well I am ready to pack up that is. My husabnd is having arm surgery in a couple of weeks and will be litte help.

Good Luck to you!

Meg and Rob said...

GOOD LUCK!! we had a realtor dress like that at one point. very strange people them Real estate types.
Good luck, Selling a house is the worst. Unless you can move out of it first.

Brittney said...

Good luck with selling the house. Hope Candy is as fantastic as you're hoping.

If all else fails at least she has a BMW which means she must be paid well which means she can't be too bad at what she does.

Melissa said...

No pictures? -5 points! Too funny!

Colleen said...

BMW is a good sign. she's fashionable means she's out and about and knows lots of people. she's a go getter! she has lots of confidence. we've moved 6 times and have used realtors each time. we went for the "safe" looking sign/guy once. Total blowout. we now go for the little on the crazy side looking ones. they are go getters they get things done, very agrressive and competitive! just what you want. Perfect choice!

Renny said...

I just can't tell how much of this is joke and how much of this is truth. Did you REALLY pick Candy?
I think you should have gone with the guy with the husky. He could hunt people down with his dog and force them to buy your house upon pain of death.

Jen said...

@Brittany - I had to laugh at your comment about Candy, "she can't be too bad at what she does."

My vision of Candy in that outfit is reminiscent of a hooker. Maybe she IS good at what she does.

Jana, tell your hubby to move to Florida before you sign the contract with Candy. Perhaps Candy's version of an open house is not typical. Then again, Candy may be handy in helping you and the neighborhood kids create the whale centerpieces.

Where is Faye when you need her??? She could definitely throw the whale centerpiece-making party and make it fun.

Overthinking Mama said...

Good Luck!!
That is one thing I am dreading dealing with when I finally decide (well credit good enuf) to move.. *sigh*

Also!! wanted you to know I have given you an award!
Check out my blog to see :
http://www.overthinkingmama.com/2010/05/i-received-award-yay-me.html

Agee McGee said...

I don't know if he is in your area, but Jordan is not only a good person, but a great realtor!
http://jordanmariano.com/

Jennifer said...

"realtor" is overstating the term that should be applied to the man that sold us our house. In fact, the house sold itself, because he told us to go around and take a look and he would wait in the living room to answer any questions. When we arrived back in the living room ( less than five minutes later) he was sitting on the previous occupants' sofa, with his head back, asleep. Hand to God, this is a true story.

Pearl said...

Who wouldn't want to buy your house with a Realtor named Candy who was wearing a short red mini skirt and platform heels?!? that has "SOLD" written all over it!

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

She sounds interesting. Good luck with everything.

Stef said...

Hahah! DOn't you love that they want you to put more into NOW that you are selling it. DOn't they think that you would have done that for yourself if you could have? Thank you very much! With a name like Candy, yours should be sold in a matter of days!

Sexy Naptime said...

Tell Candy if she carries around a small dog, Snowball Two, with her you will add 1% to her commission

mom24orsinis said...

This is going to be fantastic...Candy/miniskirts/platforms...I'm getting some Twizzlers and setting my DVR to "Meanest Mom Moves"...!!!!!!!!

MrsDixon said...

Wise choice! Surely Candy will come through for yoU!

midnight hysteria said...

aaah ... jana ... i'm bettin' candy has some fantastic ideas for your sister's wedding decos ... just ask her ... LOL ....

Jamie Coleman said...

I'm betting Candy will get you more than your asking price! My old roomies hired a former porn star turned relator. She made lots of money & sold lots of houses. After all, she knew how to satisfy & had a huge following. Many men are easily duped by a daring, sexy woman.

WILLIAM said...

My experience is that all realtors suck. Some just suck less.

Marcus and Nicole Asay said...

My favorite Realtor I've ever had was a man who every time I saw him, wore his short sleeved button shirt open to half way down with all his icky chest hairs hanging out, and a gold chain around his neck. He was super aggressive, and got us a great house! Go weirdos!!

Gina said...

If she's driving a BMW, she's selling houses. Right?

A Musing Mother said...

Three months? Your husband thinks your house would sell in three months?

Not with Candy! You found a winner!!

Rocket Ma'am said...

Hey, if you realtor is driving a beamer, she's making money. Hopefully in real estate.... the outfit and the name puts a just tiny bit of concern in my mind.

Kandi said...

Love it! My name's Kandi too (obviously spelled differently). I don't think I could pull off the red mini, platforms and leather jacket though (maybe 20 years ago, lol). I love that she's wearing that to her daughter's 1st communion, ha. I'm pulling for your Candy. Keep us posted. :)

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