August 4, 2010
The Free Movie
This morning, one of the local movie theaters in town opened its doors to Orlando's youngest citizens, offering anyone under the age of 10 a free ticket to see Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie.
Standing in line for 20 minutes to watch a movie that came out on DVD eight years ago did not make me feel super good about myself. Once the movie started, and I realized that all of the characters in it were vegetables, I began to actively look around for fire alarms.
Thankfully, Cameron put me out of my misery fairly quickly. He only lasted five minutes on my lap before he started arching his back.
I had wisely seated my family in the very back of the theater so for awhile, I just stood in the aisle next to my kids while they watched the show. When Cameron started screaming, I told my older kids that I was going to take the baby out in the hall for a minute and would be right back.
"I'll be right through those doors if you need me," I whispered.
No more than a minute later, all three of my kids stormed outside. Two of them were crying; the third was holding my purse.
"We're done with the movie," said the purse holder.
"What's going on?" I demanded.
The details are a little fuzzy, but from what I could gather, a fight broke out over who would be the first to dig through my purse in search of a pack of gum.
I reclaimed possession of my purse.
"Nice job," I told them as we walked to the car.
The three rows in front of us in the movie theater were occupied by preschoolers from a daycare center.
"Don't you think it's weird that a bunch of little kids can keep their hands to themselves during a movie but you guys can't?"
No one except for me seemed to think that was weird at all.
As I pulled out of the parking lot, a thought crossed my mind that at the time, seemed rather pleasant.
If my children were russet potatoes or ears of corn, they wouldn't have hands.