August 5, 2010

Lizards


There are things about every place that take a while to get used to.

In North Carolina, it was vinegar-based barbecue.

In Philadelphia, it was the pervasive belief that each room in a house requires a different color of carpet.

In Florida, it's the reptiles.

I don't have anything against lizards, but I don't particularly like to find them in my shower stall or running across the sidewalk every time I step foot outside my house.

They are everywhere.

On Tuesday, I took my kids to the park and sat down on top of one. In my defense, the lizard was the same color as the park bench.

If the lizard wasn't sick when I sat down, it certainly was when I stood up. The thing was alive, but it didn't look so good.

For reasons which I don't understand, my kids were more concerned about the condition of the reptile than my mental health. The shriek could be heard for miles.

"My mom killed a lizard," Cortlen told the cashier at Taco Bell. The cashier looked impressed.
I sensed that I was on the verge of being offered a free bag of cinnamon twists in recognition of my achievement.

"She sat on it," he added. The cashier looked totally grossed out.

I had to buy my own cinnamon twists.

"Mom caught a lizard with her bum," Camber proudly told my husband when he came home from work.

My husband looked at me sideways. "By design or accident?" he asked.

The fact that he had to ask this question worries me.

Has it come to this?

36 comments

Shell said...

My kids like to chase them around and try to trap them in my tupperware containers. I throw those containers out b/c I'm too grossed out to ever use them again.

They would be impressed if I could catch one with my butt.

The Mommy said...

Wow! We'll be in Orlando soon and I forgot about those little buggers. Can you teach me that trick?

Vicky said...

HAHAHA! You need a cat! We catch them and put them on our ears for 'earrings'. It's a redneck thing, ya know?!

Molly Jo said...

In my part of Florida, we have the pink salamanders that are practically see through. They like to hang out on windows and the ceiling of the porch. They don't like to hang out alone, either. There are usually at least 10. I'm always afraid they'll land in my hair or something.

Tricia ~~ Handmade Whimzy said...

One day when my son was a small toddler, I slipped some shoes on so that we could go play out in the yard. I immediately felt something cold and squishy but I thought he had probably stuck one of his strawberries from snack into the toe of my shoe. He liked to do stuff like that when he was little, you see.
He frequently stuck strawberry pieces or grapes into the toes of our shoes. I'm not sure why.

Anyhoo, once I got outside, I slipped my shoe back off to get the strawberry out and instead of a strawberry, it was a dead black lizard that I had squished to death with my foot. UGGGGG!

I freaked out and started screaming. Those things look like snakes. I hate them.

noelle said...

I wish you blogged 5 times a day.

Skubaliscious said...

We have lots of lizards here in SE TX, too. I don't mind them - it's the mouse-sized tree roaches I can't handle.

Kelly said...

By design or accident? That one had me rolling! Thanks.

Molly said...

Soooo.... That would be my husbands DREAM. He breads Aussie Geckos. For fun. If he see's a snake on the road, we screech to a jarring stop, he hops out and moves the little buddy to the side. Ha ha. He just loves reptiles. =) I'd freak too if I sat on one. One time we had a 6 foot snake lost in our house for 4 months... after awhile you just sort of expected you'd wake up to something slithering in your bed - but it never happened. Not yet anyhow.

isabelle said...

That photo is so cute! Im so far from being a mommy but i just love your writing. You are a pleasure to read :)

Isabelle. come visit my blog! im sure ull love it xoxox Isabelle

pilonstein.blogspot.com/

Gina said...

A lizard came in my house when I opened the front door today. It is sitting under a recliner and I am so creeped out that I can't stand it!

Teen Queen said...

one time we went on vacation and there were chipmunks everywhere. my dad almost stepped on one. it was pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

We were in Orlando last month and they were everywhere! My cousin who lives there calls them Florida's cockroach :)

Kim said...

Just wait till the kids learn they can get those little lizards to bite their earlobes and then walk around with them dangling like earrings! Don't say you haven't been warned!!

Angie Spiker said...

We've had several cats throughout the years, and one of them would jump ten feet in the air and run the other way when a lizard came to call! Our most recent cat loved to eat most of them, leaving bits and pieces here and there...

Anonymous said...

I never comment on blogs...but oh gosh! This is too good! Your blog makes me laugh daily. My kids go down for naps...and I check your blog. Thanks for the laughs! Keep up the good work! Emily

Slightly Southern Belle said...

I'm from florida, and when I was little we used to take them and open their little mouths and hang them on our ears like earrings. Wait untill your kids do that!

Shanna said...

haha I love them they are so cute. I grew up in the northeast with squirrels those creatures are nuisances. now lizards eat bad bugs including Florida's biggest nuisance mosquitoes, hurray for lizards!!

Sants said...

It's been something for me to get used to here in Louisiana, too! (Although they were in our house in Hawaii, too). I also blogged about it a few weeks ago right here -

http://louisisanta.blogspot.com/2010/07/our-new-houseguests.html

Old Hawaiians consider geckos in the house good luck!

reen said...

I was recently at one of our state parks. I don't typically like to visit the outhouse-like facilities, BUT there was no choice. When I opened the door, it was already occupied by a salamander who I believe was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. That was the closest I've come, since the age of two, to peeing my pants! I know how you feel about the little darlings.

Rocket Ma'am said...

Never caught one with my butt, but took on for a ride with the minivan once.
http://therocketscientistsguidetoraisingkids.blogspot.com/2009/10/leapin-lizards.html

Lindsey said...

HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for the laugh. :D

Cathryn said...

I'm glad I live on the opposite side of the country!
No roaches, no reptiles--of course no SUN either!

Angela Noelle of SK said...

My husband is afraid of spiders. He ritually gives his boots a beat-down before putting them on for fear of lurking, crawling creatures.

He didn't seem too impressed the last time he donned a spider-free boot. Maybe the gecko inside had something to do with it.

Angela Noelle of SK said...

At least it was living. I saw that other lass' comment. Yikes!

Amanda said...

I truly hate these lizards, it took me forever to get used to them here in FL. The worst is when you reach into your pantry and one come crawling up your arm *shudder*

Jenn & Jake said...

I don't like the lizards down here either, but freaks me out more are the frogs. I've never been scared of frogs...until I lived in SE GA/NE FL. Had one jump on my foot in the dark while waiting for my husband to open the front door...and I burst into tears.

Kim Ginsberg said...

Your post today - hilarious! Your commenter’s today have confirmed for me that living in an area that has snow, frost and ice is a good thing - all those creepy crawly things die each year!
And anyone who would WANT to put lizards on their ears really needs to see someone about that. Ewww!

Anonymous said...

YOu think lizards are gross wait until you come across a gigantic palmetto bug. Those things will gross you out!

Lizards are everywhere in florida, they arent so bad though. I never notice them until i find them dead in weird places. Thats when they bother me.

If you have a cat wait til you see it eat a few. So nasty watching a lizard tail get slurped in your cats mouth and they like to bring them to you as gifts thats even better.

I wouldnt change living here for anything in the world though.

Natalie said...

Ha! We were camping in Moab UT and a desert lizard, supposedly looking for shade, crawled between the sleeping bag & air mattress in our tent. Didn't find it till we broke camp - needless to say the entire set-up went right into the dumpster!

Karen Mortensen said...

How icky to sit on a lizard. Next time look before you sit.

Raelin said...

Just wait until Love Bug Season! My family and I were visiting Orlando in May and while driving down the freeway they were so thick it looked like black rain. These two bugs - flying around while stuck together at the butt - mating. nasty!

Melinda said...

LOL The lizards freaked me out, too, when I first moved to FL. I was going to mention love bug season, but I see someone beat me to it. Hint: don't wear white while pumping gas during love bug season. They like white for some reason and will swarm you. I learned the hard way.

Sherrie said...

ROTFLMAO :)

Lanie said...

Take a long piece of grass, weed or other plant that is pliable enough and thin enough for a lizzard and tie a slip knot in it and have the kids go out and catch and walk lizzards (however I would make sure they know they don't get to keep the lizzards)

It is fun, somewhat time consuming activity and fun if you can actually get one in the lasso. And it won't hurt them as long as the kids are nice...

office said...

The Tax Return Crack-Up<4>
Realizing he might have dug himself in there,Microsoft Office 2010the general emphasized that Office 2010he had spent some time as a junior Office 2007officer working "very closely Microsoft Officewith the Israeli air force" and that heMicrosoft Office 2007had found that "more cosmopolitan,Office 2007 key liberal version of the Israeli population" Office 2007 downloadto be just chock full Office 2007 Professionalof that sort of "goodwill" necessary Windows 7to give a bunch of land back Microsoft outlook 2010to the Palestinians.