October 12, 2010

Bike Fest

The cashiers at Wal-Mart are endless founts of good ideas. Last year, one inspired me to try coloring my own hair using a shower cap with holes poked through the top. On Friday, another one suggested that I take my children to Orlando's annual Bike Fest.

"What does one do at said bike fest?" I asked her.

Before answering, the woman asked me to stop talking in the third person.

"My husband and I go every year," she told me. "You'll love it."

I glanced at my watch. It was 4:30pm and my significant other had already warned me that he had to work late. The thought of entertaining my kids for three hours inside my house was significantly more frightening than the unknown. So we went.

It wasn't until after we got to Bike Fest that I remembered that where there are lots of motorcycles, there are also lots of cigarettes, tattoos, piercings, and men who bear a striking resemblance to Saint Nick.

(this guy was not at Bike Fest, but his twin was)

"Why is Santa drinking beer?" my daughter hissed, pointing to a leather-clad reveler with a gigantic snake tattoo on his bicep.

"All right, time to go," I informed the troops. We lasted exactly 2 minutes and 13 seconds at Bike Fest.

On our way out of the gates, we were stopped by two women wearing Hooters t-shirts and short-shorts. They handed each of us buffalo wings on toothpicks and pointed us in the direction of a tent where we could buy more.

"Those cheerleaders were super nice," said Cortlen as we continued on our way.

"Mmm hmmm," I replied.

20 comments

Emily Heizer Photography said...

Dude, Jana, what's not to like about free snacks?

And besides, do you have any idea how much time you killed driving to and from there and getting inand out of the car in addition to the 2 minutes and 16 seconds???

PLUS if you had to fly all over the world in one night delivering toys for ungrateful little brats you'd spend the rest of the year drinking too.

On a personal note, I was stopped at a stoplight this morning and felt something tickling my arm. It was a tail. I then pulled a catnip mouse out of my bra.

??????

Colleen said...

At least you weren't bored! :)

Kate said...

Lol! If I'd heard "bike fest" my first thought would be cycling hipsters and hummus wraps. But that's just me, seeking out my own kind ;-)

Don't be hatin' on the tattoos, btw. Some of us lovely people have 'em! :-)


(Err...did I just call myself a "lovely person"?)

Jen said...

When we lived in Reno we thought it would be fun to take the kids to "Street Vibrations." We arrived with a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old in a stroller into what felt like the belly of hell. Bikes, leather, tats, women wearing chaps with nothing underneath. Ya, we lasted about as long as you did! LOL :)

Jessica said...

I recently began reading your blog and thoroughly enjoy it. Thank you!

CSIowa said...

One might want to reconsider taking advice from a place where the cashier has to ask whether your pineapple is a coconut before she can ring you up. True story.

HW said...

Your blog is always so wonderfully funny but the comments are like the chocolate chips in an already delicious cookie.
A catnip mouse in ONE'S bra? Street vibrations? A pieapple/coconut riddle? Like my best friend, this blog is a lightning rod for crazy. And I feel like I've finally come home.

And now I'm leaving for San Diego to bring my son home. He's graduating from Marine Corps boot camp. Sorry. I'm telling everybody. I have not seen his face in 13 weeks and I am one proud mama. Your post has made an already happy mama start her day with an even bigger smile on her face.

Vicky said...

HAHA! Looks like you're getting your Florida education by 'hands on' experiences! They will be memorable!

Jen said...

Hmmm. Maybe try the Hillsborough County Fair this week in Brandon. We've been looking for something kid-friendly too...
I don't work at Wal-Mart, but I've haven't been to this fair yet either. I was encouraged by the fact that headlining activities had nothing to do with Muscle Cars, Motorcycles or Beer.

Just Plain Tired said...

Laughed at the cheerleader comment. Your boy has a good eye, huh? ;)

Mrs. Tuna said...

That'll teach you to leave the house without training wheels.

Mrs. Tuna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mal said...

Hey, I see families coming out of Hooters all the time. (Note: I drive PAST Hooters. I'm not sitting in the parking lot looking at the waitresses arrive to work or anything. Creepy!)

Danya said...

I have learned not to take my kids to Street Vibrations in Reno. Little kids like to sit on bikes and bikers don't like it.

Paula/adhocmom said...

St. Nick looks really good in black. You know, I'm always at a loss for what to put in stockings for St. Nick. Duh, WINGS!

Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

Too funny! Perhaps I'll visit Wal-Mart today and ask for some advice... I'm looking for some entertainment today. I could definitely go for a good beer drinkin' santa and Hooter's girl.

janelle said...

thats semi frightening... a little creepy. have fun this year with christmas

Katie said...

OMG! "Those cheerleaders" is hilarious! Your kids are so damn funny :)

Bethany said...

Oh wow, you lead your kids on some fun adventures! ;) I can't say I've taken the advice of a Walmart employee yet. Yet being the operative word!

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