October 21, 2010

Early Dismissal

Every Wednesday, the public schools in Orlando let out an hour early. In theory, these early dismissal days are awesome because they provide me with the time to do things with my kids that can't be squeezed into regular school days. In practice, things haven't gone quite as planned.

For the past three weeks, I've offered to take my kids to a variety of fun places including the water park, the zoo, the playground, and the movies.

On all three occasions, they've chosen to stay home and pick fights with me and each other instead.

Snack Time
Darling A: "Stop chewing with your mouth open."
B: "I'm not! You stop chewing with your mouth open."
A: "I'm going to kick your chair until you stop chewing with your mouth open."
B: "If you do, then I'm going to kick your chair back."

[insert ugliness]

While attempting to play a game of UNO
Darling C: "He's looking at my cards!"
A: "You were looking at my cards first!"
C: "Was not!"
B: "I never get any wild cards. It's not fair!"
A: "All of you are cheaters!!!!!! I'm not playing anymore."

[insert cards being thrown across the table and stomping off]

While cooking dinner
One of my darlings: "Why do you always make such disgusting food for dinner all the time?"
Me: "Because I like to hear you complain about it."
Different darling: "I'm definitely not eating that."
Me: "No one is going to make you."

After telling them that they need to take showers
Dirtiest Darling: "Why do you always make us take showers?"
Me: "You haven't taken a shower in three days."
DD: "I'm not doing it."
Me: "It's happening."
DD: "I'm not taking my clothes off."
Me: "No one is going to make you. You can take a shower with your clothes on, just make sure to soap up real good."

[insert fully clothed shower]

Me: "How'd that work out for you?"
Formerly Dirty Darling: "Awesome."

[insert new family tradition]

Ten minutes before my husband is due home from work
Darlings: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Putting on my shoes."
Darlings: "Where are you going?"
Me: "Out."
Darlings: "Can we come?"
Me: "Negative."
Darling A: "I knew it. You never take us anywhere fun."


MindWare said...

I find it interesting that kids actively choose to not have fun just so they can be at home and only then complain about how bored they are.

I think a lot of parents go through what you mentioned on a routine basis. Stick in there, it will get better. :)

Jensamom23 said...

So sorry for your woes, but glad to hear that I am not alone!

Ruth Ann said...

In one school district we lived in, there was an "early out" on Wednesdays in the elementary school - so they could all go to school-sponsored, teacher and parent-led Clubs!
Mathletes, Chess, Science, Photography, Nature, all kinds. The kids loved signing up and usually enjoyed the club. Two choices per year.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

You just described my entire summer. Pool? No. Park? No. Beach? No. I want to stay home and whine about how bored I am and how the cat won't stop looking at me.

Genius, btw, for the soaping up with the clothes ON. Might have to try that trick.

Donna said...

My boys do the same thing! Glad it's not just me.

Mal said...

My only darling can't talk yet, but she loves to follow me around the kitchen when I'm trying to get supper ready clinging to my legs and screaming at me for not picking her up while I chop things with a knife or flip things in a pan of spitting hot oil. And the worst part is prior to me doing anything important, she's a doll! Giggling, entertaining herself, the whole bit. I am always soooooooo relieved when my husband gets home.

Janet said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha snort....

Six-Pack Momma said...

Was this an episode from my life?

Molly said...

Oh, you just described my life, too!! And when their dad is watching them.....they're "little angels" he says! AAaaRRGGhh!!

Jaclynn_kyuss said...

Oh the joys I have to look fwd too! :/

Audra said...

You got the kid clean and the clothes clean in one shot. You are amazing!

jeleighbean said...

Geez, I thought it was just my kid's who scrutinized one another's chewing habits so closely. Oh, and of course my cooking is disgusting as well.
I picture you yelling "Meanest Mom, out" when walking out the door as your husband comes home for some reason. Haha.

starnes family said...

We have early dismissal here in California, too. Weird.

"You never take us anywhere fun." = awesome.

The Mama Monster said...

OMG I'm sorry but this post was hilarious because I can relate... and if I don't laugh about it, I will cry in the pantry corner!

~The Mama Monster

Ber said...

The end made me laugh out loud! Because it's so true! Why do kids never want to do the fun things we suggest at the time we suggest them and then later complain about never doing fun things? The other day I offered my daughter a lollipop for breakfast,(it was already a bad morning so why not fill it with sugar) and she didn't want it! Until later when she said she wanted a lollipop and I told her no and she complained i never let her have anything good. Can't win 'em all!

Carrie said...

My favorite line to my kids or husband when they ask me why I did something is to answer. "Just to piss you off, why? Did it work?"

Vindiciti said...


Good tips for littles holding cards! Just read it in my Google Reader just before I read yours. :)

Megan said...

In our school district, we start an hour later, so like instead of school starting at 8:15 it starts at 9:15. (I'm in middle school)

Misfit Mommy (aka the Antichrist) said...

Ok, I know this solution to boredom may qualify me as 2nd meanest mom, but this is what finally cured the constant, "I'm bored", at our house. Every time one of our little darlings uttered this after the age of 5, they were told that we could cure the boredom. They won the prize of going out in the yard and picking 10 weeds for every time they said "bored". Needless to say, they are no longer bored near as often as they used to be! (and our yard looked fantastic after the first week!)

Mrs. Tuna said...

The problem with teens is just the opposite, they only want to talk to you when you are about to get on a conference call with work and then shriek you never listen to them.

Rocket Ma'am said...

Same world over here. They can make the simplest outings a huge pain and then they wonder why I never want to take them anywhere. The last time I had a car full of kids wailing "Why do we allllll have to go to Target? It's sooooo stupid!!!!" I turned around and screamed "WE'RE ALL GOING BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING CHOICE!!! DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUN FOR ME?!?!?!?" They actually behaved pretty well that day.
Fortunately, there's no school today and I have a ton of errands that must be done.

Megan Orsini said...

ha ha ha ha...sob, sob, sob...hee hee hee...whimper, whimper...sigh...I'm emotionally drained just reading it! laughing cause it's hilairous to read, crying because I think I just went through the same battles today!!!

Anklebuster said...

Hi Jana! I knew if I read far back enough, I would find the "mean" in this blog ;)

The Dirtiest Darling transcript is priceless!

Sounds like you got your hands full ... of fun with your kids.

I'll be back!



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