December 5, 2010

Do You Know What?

On Saturday night, I went to the grocery store. Before I left the house, I asked if anyone wanted to go with me.

My husband and Cortlen ignored me (they were watching a football game). Camber came into the room with a brush, a bottle of hair spray, and two packages of glittery hair clips.

"I would go, but I have things to do," she explained, jabbing a clip into my husband's scalp.

I didn't really want to take Kellen because he looked like a homeless person, but by the time I found my keys, he was already in the car.

The drive to the grocery store took exactly three minutes...plenty of time, I learned, to have a conversation about just everything in the entire planet.

Kellen: "Do you know what? I wouldn't go walking in the woods right now. You wouldn't be able to see a panther because it's so dark. Isn't that crazy?"

Me: "Why are we talking about panthers?"

Kellen: "Do you know what else mom? Do you know what? A boy in my class got sent to the principal's office last week. Did you know that?"

Me: "I wasn't aware."

Kellen: "Do you know what isn't a smart idea? Shaving off half of your mustache and leaving the other half still on your face!"

(ten seconds later)

"Do you know what? I ate something out of the trashcan today when you weren't looking. I feel bad about that. Do you know why? Because eating out of the trashcan is disgusting and I lied."

Me: "I'm still thinking about panthers."

Kellen: "Do you know what?"

Me: "Please try not to say that so much. It's unnecessary."

Kellen: "Ok, Mom. I'll try. Do you know what?"

Me: "Chicken butt."

Kellen: "That wasn't what I was going to say."

Me: "Oh. Sorry."

Kellen: "Do you know what? If you snort a kidney bean up your nose, it might get stuck there or go into your brain and kill you."

After 20 more minutes of this, I started to ask around about kidney beans; namely, where they were in the grocery store and if they carried any large enough for an adult to snort.

Kellen: "Do you know what? If a rabid dog bites you, you have to get three shots in your arm that are as thick as peanut butter. Did you know that?"

40 comments

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

My son used to say "Guess what?" before EVERY sentence he uttered. I almost lost my mind. Luckily that stage only lasted for about a year (translation: a short eternity).

You have to give the kid credit though. Children who are always competing with siblings for "air time" love that one-on-one "conversation" with a captive audience. Sorry you almost had to put a fork in your brain, but I bet he loved it.

Winn (aka Koreen) said...

Awwww! He needed some mommy-time! So adorable. :D

Donna said...

My kids will do that when they have me trapped too!

[ker-AND-uh] said...

my little cousins used to say "and even" after everything. it'd go something like this:

"today i went to the park and went on the slide. and even, i saw a dog."

it was the cutest!

Watashi no Uchi said...

Thanks for posting this! It's just what I needed to hear! My son is going through the same phase right now and sometimes I just go crazy!!!! Seeing that I'm not the only one and hearing your point of view (which is exactly what usually goes through my mind) was refreshing! Thanks for sharing! I LOVE you blog!

Mommy McD said...

My boys will say "I have a question" then make a statement.

Someday they'll learn the difference...

Laurie said...

OH my gosh, this is hysterical!! The chicken butt made me laugh out loud!! The "do you know what's?" haven't come to our house, but here's what has:

Mommy: Wow, that's a big tree!
3 year old: How do you SPELL tree?
Mommy: T-R-E-E
Mommy: Look, it's snowing!
3 year old: How do you SPELL snowing?

:) It NEVER ENDS!! How do you spell never ends?

Mrs. Tuna said...

You almost sound like a hostage with Stockholm syndrome.

Beth @ Sand To Pearl said...

Oh, it's so nice to know I'm not the only one who gets annoyed with my kids sometimes. I mean, I love them, and I love being with them, but sometimes...

Ruth Ann said...

One of my daughters started using 'like' when she was in college, like, every other word, like, had to have the word like in front of, like or behind it, like it made any difference, like to the sentence! The other kids, older and younger, noticed it too. Eventually, she stopped using it so much.
But this weekend I just noticed my last daughter, a high school senior, is starting to use the word like!! Here we go again.

Lorilynne said...

I don't know where kids get this stuff but I find it incredibly entertaining. Except when it is my kids and I have to listen to it 24 hours a day. My almost four year old starts every sentence with "I guess". As in: "I guess I need to go potty" "I guess we should have pizza for dinner" "I guess I hit Calvin" "I guess I love you"
I seriously laughed out loud at the "chicken butt" comment because I know that will come out of my mouth when my kids pick up "guess what?"

Jaime Wilkins said...

hahaha YES I have been told that many many times.

Skinner Family said...

I love that you said, "Chicken Butt".

Mrs. Werginz said...

I lvoe everything he told you...so funny!

Angie said...

Guess what? is the sentence starter of choice at our house these days. Sigh.

Bradley, DeAnna, and Donovan said...

When my 3 year old son tells me things he thinks are awesome, he always ends it with, "Did you know that?" and when he wants something specific for dinner or wants to do something he'll say, "should we make pizza/go to the park/play a game? etc." I know he got these phrases from my husband and me and usually it's pretty cute, but when he says the same things all the time, it gets a little old! Even though they can be annoying, I know these conversations and being listened to are important to him.

Christine said...

Oh, that is too funny!! Painfully funny, in fact, bc that is exactly how Gideon starts every sentence... and any one of those sentences could come out of his mouth! Being in the car is especially painful since his 2 year-old brother doesn't listen very well and I'm trapped. I miss your cute kids!

Lindsey said...

For a while, my daughter started every sentence with, "I'mma tell you a question"...

I also routinely am accompanied to the store by homeless looking children. One time I scandalized an old lady at the store because I parked my cart at the beginning of the aisle and was wandering away from it while my child yelled "mommy mommy mommmy mommy!" I yelled back, "Where IS your mother?" haha

amyrose said...

My siblings and I went through a "Do you know what" stage, and my parents hit us right back. Every time we asked that they would interrupt us and say, "No, I don't know what. But I know who, and I have always wanted to meet why." And THAT irritated US so much that we stopped saying it so they would stop saying that. It might be worth a try...

Renny said...

Hahaha. That is funny.
My little brother used to tell me stories like this:
"Guess what! Lindsey... Lindsey Guess what!"
"What?"
"Guess what Lindsey! Lindsey guess what!"
"WHAT?"
"One time, Lindsey, one time. One time... One time, well, this one time, Lindsey, one time,"
"yes Jake, one time..."
"well guess what Lindsey one time, this one time. Well guess what happened. Well this one time Lindsey..."

I am not even exaggerating.
He is twelve now. I still tease him about it.

Bo and Nell said...

We went through that stage! So funny! My older sister said the chiken butt thing to my oldest daughter when she was 3! She was not amused then, but laughs out loud now!!!!

Mindy said...

Right this very second, I am hearing: "Mom, guess what...." I try to guess, but it isn't very funny to her. More frustrating I think. :)

Janet said...

Ahhh and you were screaming inside weren't you?!?!

Julie said...

My son always said, "can i ask you somethin'?" Every time for about a year!!!! It will pass.

Corey Ward said...

at my house my two youngest,7 & 3 are always saying "let me guess, ..." It is so funny. My husband and i were just laughing about that the other night. My kids are the same way, if they get one of us one-on-one, we learn an aweful lot of information during that time.

Love your blog. It makes me giggle.

Just Plain Tired said...

Well, you certainly can't say it was a boring conversation. ;)

Nicole said...

My son is in that stage. Except that he begins every sentence with "Just to let you know . . ." in a very condescending tone. It's awesome.

Silvina said...

Jana, you just gave me a belly laugh like i haven't had in a while...thank you!!!! :)

Seth and Natalie said...

My little gal hasn't ever gone over 13 seconds without making some sort of noise, mostly talking. We've timed it. That's only while she's awake, who knows what happens while she's sleeping.

Goldielox said...

My 14 year old step-daughter starts most conversations with "Guess what" or "Ya know what?" I say "chicken butt" most of the time. "That is not funny" is the response I get most often.

Too much Space Ghost Coast to Coast. BRAK!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Conversations in our home consist of "guess what"

Daughter: Mom, guess what?
Me: You are wearing your brothers underwear?
Daughter: NO!!
Me: You are wearing your Dad's underware?
Daughter: MOM stop!!!
Me: You told me to guess!!

Son: Mom, guess what?
Me: You are wearing your sisters underware?
Son: MOM!!!
Me: You are wearing MY underware?
Son: MOM!!
Me: Then try that sentence again or I get to keep guessing!

It works for me! I get to annoy the crap out of them and it totally entertains me!

-RaeRae (still need to figure out my dang Google Pswrd)

kim said...

I love the suggestions for driving them equally crazy!

My 4 year old is just into asking, "mama?" before he'll start any thought, even if he was just talking to me, and I'm the only one there. It drives me crazy to hear "Mama?" All. The. Time. Makes me want to change my name, but I am glad he wants to talk to me. I'm sure someday he won't and I'll miss it.

Anonymous said...

My 7 year old son likes to play the "What if" game all the time. "Mommy, what if a bomb exploded, what if I could fly, what if we could breathe under water, what if, what if, what if. . . " - and he expects me to answer all of these scenarios.

When my daughter was about 4 we were driving home from a camping trip and she talked non-stop. Her brother fell asleep but she kept talking and talking and talking. It was a 4 1/2 hour drive and she finally stopped about a half hour before we got home when she fell asleep. We looked at each other when it was finally silent and cracked up. We seriously considered continuing to drive just so we wouldn't have to wake her up.

Angela said...

Like Steph, My now 13 year old used to say "Hey (insert name here), GUESS WHAT?!" before every sentence. He just about drove our friend Scotty in Mexico insane one year. Looking back it was really cute, but while he was doing it, it was absolutely annoying beyond belief!

Anonymous said...

Remember when it was the sweetest sound a child could make when it first started to say "mama"...

Then they start to speak in whole sentences and every dang one starts with Mama, this and Mama that. It didn't even matter that there was no one else in the room or that you were not busy doing anything else but speaking to your child. Yet, they still seemed to think they needed to get your undivided attention every 2 seconds or so by saying Mama...

Can someone hand me one of those beans too?

Molly said...

Ha! I'm a teacher and I hear "guess what" about a million times a day and EVERY. TIME. I am so tempted to say "chicken butt!" You crack me up!

McKenzie said...

That is too cute =] Would have driven me completely insane, but cute none the less!

littlewondersdays said...

Do you know what? He sounds just like my 6 year old son, did you know that? Now, did you get enough kidney beans to share?

Angela said...

I could NOT stop laughing at this post. This will keep me going for a really long time.... oh my goodness!

Chrystina said...

I so LOVE that you stated he looked like a homeless person! I so needed to hear that other's kids go through that too. Sweet post!!