January 26, 2011

Sour Grapes


For awhile, my kids packed their own school lunches.

That was before I caught on to the fact that we were going through bags of chips and cookies at an astoundingly high rate of speed.

For the past month or so, I've been monitoring what goes into the lunch boxes like a hawk.

My efforts at keeping my children healthy are not always appreciated.

"You KNOW that I hate grapes!" barked one of my children the minute he got off the bus. A ziploc bag of untouched fruit was flung at my feet.

I was unaware of the food aversion and agreed to send in an apple or orange the next day.

"I hate those too!" he screamed.

This morning, all three of them were in my grill about their lunches.

"You are so mean to us!" they cried in unison. "You want us to be unhappy. That's why you pack us fruit for lunch every day."

The insults and accusations of abuse continued for another ten minutes. All the while, I just smiled.

When my children open their lunchboxes this afternoon, they will be very, very, happy to discover that ALL I packed them was fruit.

Cortlen got four bananas. Camber: two pounds of oranges. The son who threw the grapes at me? He got enough to make a bottle of wine.

80 comments

Brooke Douglass said...

That is soooo great!!!! I love it! I am your new follower, I hope you come check out my blog! thank u, Brooke
brookedouglass@yahoo.com
Girl Boy Girl Inspired

Gina said...

That's awesome.

My sister once packed her own lunch: a cold hot dog (no baggie, no bun) a banana and a half a can of leftover cake frosting.

Mandy said...

Oh man I love it!
http://www.mandysrecipebox.blogspot.com

Jason said...

OK I laughed so hard because that is what I would do....Thanks..Keep Smiling

The McSneds said...

I absolutely love it! We need to be in the same ward...we could create our own group of "Mean Moms" :)

I LOVE reading your blog. (Just like everyone else does!) You help me feel better about the daily struggles of motherhood and I absolutely love your humor! Thanks for sharing your stories with us!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! This is awesome :) Hope they enjoy lunch!

kristen said...

You kill me. If I can have half of your humor when I am a parent, I think I'll live through it!

Donna said...

A Mom after my own heart!

happyfamily said...

Did you watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution? It wasn't that great of a show, but it did show how messed up public school lunches were. My favorite part was when they went into the lunchroom and showed what the kids had brought for lunch that day. Most lunches were something like pudding, goldfish, cereal, fruit snacks, and chips with a capri sun. It was crazy. Kudos to you for even trying to make your kids a healthy lunch- you win.

sogeorgia said...

I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Thanks so much.

Shannon said...

Brilliant. Abso-freakin-lutely brillant. Take a bow, Mama!

Jensamom23 said...

You are my hero!

Amy said...

You're awesome!

Sarah McK said...

Um, this is CLASSIC! I love it! I came to check out your blog because you posted my sister Rachel's adoption button, and I'm so glad that I did! Hilarious post!

Kriste said...

LMAO! I think the kids conspire to do that. Mine were only packing chips and a soda for lunch and then coming home and eating like a starved refugee.

Lildonbro said...

that is awesome!

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Very funny as usual. Too bad you couldn't have included a little camera that took snapshots of their faces as they opened their lunches. I'm sure their facial expressions would have been classic.
Funny Stuff I Write

Sherilyn -The Dominee Huisvrouw said...

That is totally something I'd do... when my kids get a bit older. At 2 & 4, they just can't appreciate the logic in & love in that. :)

Laurel and Jeremy said...

I am seriously giggling so loudly my hubby came to see why! :)

Emily said...

I love this!

KoryLCorey said...

I wonder what would happen if you packed them a head of lettuce? The fruit would be missed.

Tiffany said...

Did you really do that? That is SO awesome! My son also hates all fruits and vegetables. I thought I had failed as a parent. It's so good to know it's not just me. He "tolerates" grapes so I make him eat ten grapes at dinner time every day. I'm sure that's all the vitamins and nutrients he needs, right?

Tammy said...

My husband came to see what I was laughing so hard at too! SO funny:)

jenn said...

OMG LOVE it!! I need to do this too, lol!

Bear and Bones Mama said...

That is so great! My 6yo son comes home everyday and complains that I only give him healthy snacks. and all the other kids gets FULL SIZE SNICKERS BARs or SMARTIES! Yeah, right says I. You'll get your fruit or flax muffins and like it.

Kelli said...

I love it!! Way to go mom!! Thaks for sharing! I am a new follower! I found your blog throug Jenn at Craft-o-manic.

xoxo
Kelli @ loveoursimplelife.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I am stunned that anyone would think it's a good idea to advertise they are looking to adopt on your website.

Dave would be in hog heaven with that one!

Shaygirl-shay said...

All I can say is Awesome! Completely Awesome!

tarichuck said...

Perfect

Samantha, Ohio said...

Awesome! That sounds like something I would do to my kids... I'm bless with 4 kids also... 6,6,5,& 2. Some lessons are better when they learn it the hard way.

Nancy said...

Haha!! I love it!

Anonymous said...

I think I've posted this before but I have to post it again. I have a 5 year old boy that drives me NUTS sometimes. He is the pickiest eater, whines and throw tantrums, has such a "strong" personality and I really feel like no one I know in real life understands. He can be the sweetest kid, don't get me wrong, but some days, I just want to run away. Reading your posts helps me TONS. I find humor in your kids and the way you are and similar situations don't make me so stressed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

Donna in VA

Rick and Angelia said...

Ha haa! I say go for salad for a few days too. The fruit will be missed! That or make them eat nothing but sugar for a week, make them sick and see how much they like it then. That is what my Grams did.

Mal said...

I love it when kids suddenly develop aversions to certain foods and then accuse you for acting like you did it on purpose. It just makes life worth living.

Did you put sticky notes on all of the fruit saying, "bite me"? Please, tell me you did!

Momlissa said...

I love you. :) And I mean that in the most non stalkerish way possible.

kmcaffee said...

I'm totally doing this! Did they stop complaining?? Ah, I don't even care - I'm doing it! Mine are always griping about never having any "good" food in the house, like Twinkies, Pop Tarts, etc. My poor, poor kids...*sigh*

Laurie said...

I beg you to tell us their reactions in your next post. That is TOO funny! I tried to sneak carrots in my daughter's lunch (she'll do fruit, but no veggies), and when she came home she said, "Mom, I'm not sure why you packed carrots in my lunch. Did you not know that I don't like them?" I just smiled and said, "I figured maybe you'd changed your mind?" She said, "Nope, I didn't." :)

Hope said...

LOL!!! I am in tears everytime I read a post of yours. Absolutely one of your funniest posts ever! I don't have kids, but I am soooo doing this when I do. :)

cynthia said...

Best laugh of the day!!! Thank You!!

mom24orsinis said...

please tell me you're serious and really did that!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!

Meg said...

Awesome. I really want to know what their reactions were.

samantha said...

The minute any of my kids threw a bag of grapes at me, I can guarantee they would never do it again.

There are more problems in this 'story' than just fruit.

MissMel said...

Totally laughing again! Today is my birthday and I'm going to add to the list of gifts I got today...the gift of laughter from the Meanest Mom....thanks.

Anonymous said...

PERFECT!! You are the best. I wish I could think of stuff like that. I'll just have to copy you from now on. I still don't let my kids pack their own lunches (for fear of the half can of frosting mentioned) but I've gone so far as to make lists of who likes what. But guess what. It's doesn't work. Something they like one week they don't like the next. Or they like pb&j but not more than twice in a week. ...heaven forbid!

Anonymous said...

P.S. Thank you for the "hoping to adopt." So many lives are affected by infertility. Thank you for spreading the word on behalf of hopeful parents.

Kirsty said...

Oh this was just too funny! I could see myself doing that one day!

The Haffey's said...

You never fail with giving my a good laugh, Thanks!

myevil3yearold said...

Hehe. You are an evil genius!

That Other Carrie said...

"You KNOW that I hate grapes!" barked one of my children the minute he got off the bus. A ziploc bag of untouched fruit was flung at my feet."

My sons butt would be toasted for both the comment and the flinging. He would have also only had grapes for about a month afterwards. We don't bark or fling in our household. Wow.

Steff said...

My dad used to give my sister, brother and I $20 to buy a weeks worth of lunches at the grocery store across the street and all we would buy is big bags of potato chips, capri suns, and cookies! Then we would take 'real' food from the cupboards. Needless to say, he caught on rather quickly and put an end to it....

whitney said...

Pretty sure you're my favorite person ever.

Emily Heizer Photography said...

That's what you get STINKERS! MUA HA HA!

Moms At Wits End said...

I'm going to have to remember that one when my kids get older...priceless!!!

Erin said...

I have never posted but LOVE this post!!! I also commend you for putting adoption couples on your blog as we have been through IF and are almost done with the adoption process!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!

April Moffatt said...

I cannot stop laughing! Great post. I LOVE outsmarting your own kids:)

Melody B. said...

Hilarious!!!

Janet said...

LMBO, this one I had to read to my
husband, so funny!!

MelissaInk Designs said...

You are my hero.

Gina @ MoneywiseMoms said...

This is exactly the kind of post I love from you, which is why I highlighted you today:
http://www.moneywisemoms.com/2011/01/five-fabulous-bloggers.html

Anonymous said...

Omg, this is so funny but im sure your kids dont think so. If its really that bad try comrpimising or including 'fun' fruit products e.g. raisins covered in yoghurt or something. :)

Leah said...

That is so fantastic!! I may have to use that one sometime for my daughter.

Super Single Mom and Her Side Kids said...

Love it!!!! My kids always complain about what I pack them for lunch. I admit it, my lunches are pretty sad.

Anonymous said...

My grandmother used to make lunches for my father and his brothers. His one brother told his mum " Your sandwiches taste like cardboard!" Guess what type of sandwich he got the next day in his lunch. He never complained about lunch again.

I love your blog, I'm an identical twin and am told we are the reason our father is very bald.

Thanks for the laughs, Rachel.

Katie @ Wellness Mama said...

So funny! I'm new, just found your blog and really enjoying it!

Anonymous said...

Samantha - what is that supposed to mean? Can't you find the humor? Obviously your children are perfectly behaved and you are the best mother in the world. Congrats and lucky you.

Sulli said...

That's hillarious! Guess grapes are a no go huh?

http://anirishitalianblessing.blogspot.com/

Pamela said...

Awesome!! Cant wait to read a follow up to this!

samantha said...

No Anon, my kids aren't perfect, but they don't live in a home of disrespect in either direction, - parent to child, child to parent or child to child.

Disappointments aren't handled by "flinging" anything towards a parent, let alone a bag of grapes, nor do we "bark" at one another.

My husband and I also don't seek "revenge" by a return volley of disrespect to our children; that isn't constructive, mature parenting by any definition I'm familiar with.

The issue here is that 'grapes' aren't the issue; the disrespect back and forth between the parent and children is said to be quite frequent according to blog entries, on most any subject.

The constant anger in the author's household by parent and child alike isn't conducive to creating a "family" atmosphere, - could be why the recent "family vacation" was such a bust where the children preferred to remain in the hotel room glued to the TV for their entire stay.

Anonymous said...

Samantha - you can be as respectful as you want with your children but there are some children that won't mind their manners no matter what!

It's disrespectful of YOU to think that you know everything about Jana's life and why her "vacation was such a bust," or their "constant anger" just because you read her blog. This is maybe 1% of everything that goes on in her household. You have no right to judge her parenting.

samantha said...

You asked the question, Anon, yet apparently didn't like my answer.

Being that the author blogs about her 'parenting', we as the readers do have a right to form our own opinions based on her blog entries.

I didn't realize that only head-nods and back-slapping hee-haws were the only reactions allowed to what is blatantly a matter of an ongoing parent/child war of disrespect and anger.

Jackie said...

Sounds like Samantha and Dave got married and have angel babies. :)

Sarah said...

Hahahahahaha!!!!

Cathryn said...

More power to ya Samantha!
You and I know you are right and I'm pretty sure Jana does too.

Most of her readers realize that 90% of her stories are embellished and that is why she is so funny. That type of sense of humor is fun for entertainment value. jana is not producing a blog on "how to parent". (Those who comment that they are going to parent like she does, tongue in cheek, scare me)

Really, you probably shouldn't read her blog since it gets you all riled up, and neither should Anonymous who evidently needs to learn how to respect differing points of view.

In my experience (6 kids, 2 grand kids) children act just like their parents do and guess what -- it is your fault like it or not.

samantha said...

Cathryn, I don't think the exchanges between the author and her children are healthy nor productive, but it doesn't 'rile' me; I was directly asked to by Anon to further explain and I did so with all honesty.

I couldn't agree with you more that most often, you reap what you sow with your children.

Heather Fretz said...

You make me laugh.
I laughed out loud at enough grapes to make a bottle of wine.
Classic.

Christine said...

I love you. That's all. :) When I grow up, I want to be just like you.

Tasha said...

you are my hero! I hope I can be just like you when I grow up. LOL!

jeannine said...

LOL! Fantastic!

You have to post an update on what happened next though :)

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Blessings to you!

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