January 24, 2011

Squatters


The night we moved into our new house, we heard them. They were having a dance party in our attic.

That's when I knew we were super lucky.

That's also when my husband admitted that he had decided against renewing the pest control bond on the house.

"I am going to get them!" he stated confidently as he retrieved the ladder from the garage and climbed on top of the roof this weekend.

As my husband quickly learned, the task of looking for the squatters was made difficult by not knowing what exactly he was looking for.

"They sound like elephants," I said helpfully.

He spent three hours up on the roof. I comforted him below with encouraging words.

"Please don't fall."

When he came back down, he announced that he had plugged three holes in our sewer drains with mesh wire.

"It's over," he said jubilantly. "They're not coming back."

What my husband failed to consider was that they never left.

As I sit here writing this, I am being serenaded by what sounds like stampeding elephants.

Not good. Not good at all.

31 comments

Amy said...

We had rats. Horrible, horrible things. I still have nightmares about it. You have my condolences.

Lisa, An American Mom said...

Whaa?? What is it? Rats? Something else? Yuuuuck. So sorry you have to deal with this!

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Pretty much how my wife supports me too.
Funny Stuff I Write

Kerrie (and Jason) said...

It never fails to amuse me how much noise a small rodent can make in your ceiling. I am just so glad capyburra's can't climb.

Amy said...

We had "elephants" in our new house last year... turned out to be birds. I don't like birds! It really did sound like a small dog in our attic.

Anonymous said...

You don't want anything to die in your attic. You will never find it. And squirrels are the worst. They are almost untrappable. Just wait until summer comes and hope that you don't smell anything...

Moms At Wits End said...

Ugh, I know how you feel. We have squatters that run through the wall behind my headboard. It never fails to freak me out!

myevil3yearold said...

Yor are calm... I would be FREAKING OUT! Your house is about to smell not very good I am afraid.

Polly Scott said...

A bird once got stuck in my wall. It was an unnerving day or two because I didn't know it was a bird - thought it was a rat scratching, and scratching, and scratching. Finding out it was just a cute little bird helped in the end, but not while I was going through it.

vinobaby said...

We had that problem last year. It started with a slight scratching sound, like a branch scraping a window in the middle of the night. It ended up sounding like we lived below an all-night frat party.

And, of course, it was almost always above the master bedroom at night.

I started keeping a broom next to my bed to bang on the ceiling and scare them away.

I'm still hoping it was just some cute, furry squirrels...

Good luck in your battle!

Kristen said...

we had to call the Critter Guy to clear out the squirrels, bats and an opossum!

Jessica said...

We had squirrels! They liked to party at three in the morning. My husband got up there and all I could see was the scene from Christmas Vacation where everyone is running from the squirrel loose in the house!

Ma Kettle said...

I feel your pain in a raccoon kinda way. Definitely NOT fun. I hope its not the whole fam-damily and you are able to get rid of them before they do too much damage.

NanaGo said...

First, don't watch the First Exorcist, you will never sleep again once you hear noises in the attic.
Second, no amount of wire, spray, foam, tape will keep critters out so get ready to co-habitat, especially in Florida.
Now I'm getting the creepy crawlies, Thanks! Hubby is away on business and I'm home alone. Ugh!

Jenny in NC said...

I'm just happy to hear that someone else has problems with critters. We had mice last year and I was so ashamed! I didn't tell anyone because I was so embarassed. I finally plunked down a huge amount of cash for the exterminators. It was the best money I ever spent! So, sorry, but your troubles make me feel better about myself. :)
Oh my goodness, my word verification word is "fechal." That's really close to mouse poo.

Anna said...

yiiiiiiiiiiikes...... ! Good luck with that? :/

shannon said...

Here is a GREAT trick for your hubby to do. ( I am a daughter of a pest control genius..he owned a company in California) Take traps and put peanut butter on them. Put it where you can find it...you can also use glueboards. They LOVE the peanut butter! They will be caught pretty quickly! Good Luck!

Q said...

Yuck!

Scary story...once my grandfather thought he had mice in his walls. He got so fed up with it one day that he punched his fist through the wall. It wasn't mice. It was yellow jackets. He was rushed to the hospital, but he was fine in a few hours. *shudder*

Pastrami said...

My father-in-law once had an Owl living in his walls. Owls are very big, and very messy. Just thought you'd all like to know.

Anonymous said...

hysterical!!! i went to home depot and covered our rental homes fake waterfall with 50 feet of chicken wire so my neighbors cat stops pooping all over it. my husband has ordered 30 dolllar fox urine pellets to rid the cat, bought a bb gun to get the ducks off the property and installed a havahart trap to catch the racoon that pooped in the pool. we are having as godd s a month as you... what's next?????greenacres we are there!!!!

Melinda said...

I thought you meant your kids. Mine are definitely the elephants around here!

flatmargo said...

I second the recommendation on the peanut butter. My husband did that and caught 12 little mice in a week. ONE WEEK. 12!!! I was horrified. We have a cat now but she has yet to actually catch anything...

Stefany said...

Open it back up and smoke them out first, or you will end up with rotten animal smell in your house.

About Last Weekend said...

Hi there, Jody here from California. Love everything about your blog. The pic of you and your kids at top made me laugh out loud. Sorry to hear about your elephants...

Mal said...

We have rented my whole life, in both Maine (mice and squirrels) and on a Pacific Island (rats and shrews). We keep cats. I have been privileged to know some of the best mousers in the world.

Jen-CraftOManiac said...

I talked some GOOD SMACK about you on my blog.... HE HE HE- jen- CraftOManiac.blogspot.com

Ninja Mommers said...

My Goodness. Got to love the simpleness of Men sometimes. They really don't consider all angels.. at least your tried... mine would just pretend he didn't hear anything at all.

Great Read!! Made me Laugh Out Loud... and not in the LOL online sense but in the my child and husband just looked at me like I am nuts because all of a sudden out of the silence all they hear is me laughing sense...

isabelle said...

"They sound like elephants," I said helpfully.- is my quote of the week. You are an amazing writer. PLS PUBLISH A BOOK!!!

Super Single Mom and Her Side Kids said...

Oh my gosh.. so been there! I had nice. I set up traps like a crazy woman plus put up posion.. within a week they were gone. Now I just check the attic weekly to make sure they are not back. They managed to get into the attic via the AC unit.
It is a horrible feeling to have anything in your attic.. eww.

Cindy said...

We have so been there. Every single winter. Last year we got a $6000 new roof and thought our squirrel/mouse problems were over, but no--they have still managed to get in there. And we can't afford to pay the squirrel guy $150 a year to come out to set traps and $50 for every varmit he catches!!

Kris said...

We have voles (mouse like creature) here in the Utah deserts. Well, my darling niece built a home in the desert and kept hearing them scratching on the window screens. In the middle of the night last summer she woke up with one of the little creatures perched on her chest. Her darling husband spent the rest of the night, broom in hand, chasing the critter around the house. Hearing them ain't nearly as bad as seeing them!