March 12, 2011

The Fourth Man

Today was my older kids' first soccer game of the season. When the referee blew the whistle, everyone ran toward the ball, including my two year-old son.

"Agh! Get him!" I screeched. My husband tackled our toddler and hauled him back to the sidelines.

[insert back arching/swatting/screaming/going limp]

A few minutes later, my daughter got knocked in the stomach with the ball. While I was reassuring her that a) she wasn't going to die and b) yes, her injury was deserving of a post-game Slurpee, Cameron made another run for it. This time, he got to midfield before my husband (who was on the other side of the field, coaching the goalie) scooped him out of the fray.

"He is a nightmare," my husband said. Most two year-olds are.

Cameron spent the rest of the half sitting on my husband's shoulders. Very begrudgingly.

In the third quarter, he slipped into the goalie net while I was tying my son's shoe. As I chased him down for the third time, several spectators snickered and yelled from their seats, "Go little boy, go!"

Needless to say, we watched the rest of the game from the car.

38 comments

Rachel said...

Ha ha ha!!! That is hilarious!

Yay I have never been the first to comment before...

Pamela said...

After being at several soccer games myself today....I needed this post. LOL and smiling.

Yay, I have never been the second to comment before.....

Emily Heizer Photography said...

You need a leash on that kid!

I got a cute little piglet one at Marshall's for $10 for my friend's 18 month old who likes to run across the front of the church during Sacrament.

She likes it.

Miriam Lusk said...

Haha! Love this story. Every family has a darter.

John & Melanie said...

I too have a 2 yr old-it sounds all too familiar, although much funnier when it's about someone else's kid. Thanks for the laughs

truth said...

@ Emily Heizer Photography: We had a harness for our elder son and loved it! Until we got on the plane with it, that is.

We'd not used it for two years but I figured it'd be good to have him harnessed in for our cross-Atlantic flight; he could still move about, but wouldn't have to stay in his seat with the seat belt buckled in case we hit a patch of turbulence.


My three-yo slipped his arms through the appropriate arm loops and I started fastening the buckle in the back. All was going well. Until...

In a very loud, very clear, very polite voice, he announced to all the passengers and crew aboard the 747: "Just so you all know, I don't normally wear a brassiere."

Kira said...

After one fall season with the two year old darting for the field and trying to play with his older brothers. Last fall after much pressure from Grandma for us to sign up our boys with their aunt (also in preschool) we finally caved and signed him up. We coached and got special permission to let him and his aunt play with the "kindergarten" team with his brother since they are all the same size. Instead of spending the entire game preventing his escape onto the field I spent the entire season consoling him when he would sporadically run off the field and out of the game crying that he couldn't get the ball. Finally at our last game the other coach and his team conspired to let him score without competition. Greatest day in his short-lived soccer career because this Mom is done forever. (Well... atleast until he is eight.)

twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Cindy said...

So awesome...while watching my older son play on hot afternoon, my youngest was playing in the dirt/sand pile that lives at just about every soccer, little league field. I turned to watch the game...my son was about to score...only to hear hysterical laughter around us. My little guy had to pee...in the sand pile where about 5 other kids were playing, including my daughter. He was maybe 3...I as mortified...

maryf said...

AH - I feel your pain. Our youngest (18 months) gets dragged to every swim meet and all of the baseball/football/flag football games of our three oldest. My husband is always coaching the kids, so he never gets to experience the pure joy of sitting with "The Wolverine" for these excruciatingly long time periods.

Anonymous said...

Go Little Boy Go!!

Tanya said...

I got this text from my dear hubby yesterday about our three year old who he had taken with him to our 7 year old's softball practice. "Last time Luke comes to practice!"
I decided to wait until later to tell him in person that, in fact, the three year old will be at EVERY practice with him and the 7year old because I will be with the 5 month old at the 5 year old's soccer practice. When you have four kids, all's fair in love and parenting!

TORI said...

I LOVE that Cameron is so bold. He is a true angel on earth and what a spitfire. Love him! Sorry about him "joining" the game but I am so happy that he is here to do so.

Craig said...

When our son was 18 months and my husband coached we agreed to give him the ball every break and let him play. He was the half time entertainment.

HW said...

I gotta admit I would have been one to cheer Cameron on from the stands.

Because two-year-olds are so funny when, as another commenter said, they are not your own.

Anonymous said...

I too had a darter...I did what other suggested and bought a leash...figured it was an easy way to keep him in control when out and about. I was so wrong. Our leash experience in public ended with Child Protective Services being called with the Police and Social Services on my doorstep to assess how badly I abuse my children. (I don't by the way) I have since trashed the leash. I would rather run after my child than risk loosing him because someone thinks I'm being "MEAN".

Mrs. Tuna said...

Run Forest Run!!

myevil3yearold said...

I love watching little kids play sports as long as it is not mine.

Janet's page said...

Been there, done that! OHHHH it stinks. Whenever grandparents came to watch a game I pretended I didn't have a toddler so they would have to play with him :-)

Melissa said...

Oh my, I had to laugh at this one! I needed the laugh too. I also cracked up at all the similar stories, too funny. I have never used the leash on my 3 year old, but my sister uses one on her 4 year old son, and has since he could walk. He is an escape artist, he can be in front of you and you blink and he is gone, hence the leash. She thinks it works wonderfully. For me, I just chase mine, and tell her if she doesn't stop running away she'll get strapped into the stroller. That usually solves the problem. Sounds like the mom who let her kid play with the ball during breaks had the right idea, maybe that would work. Thanks so much for the laugh!!

The Davis family said...

A word of advice... SNACKS. I always bring a whole bag full for my daughter. Then she's too busy chowing down to run onto her brother's soccer field. =)

Steff said...

A little off topic, but is 'swatting' a Mormon thing?! I was raised Mormon and have always known 'spanking' as 'swatting'. When other people talk about spanking, I always say swatting and they think it's weird!

Is spanking just too harsh of a word? =P

Anonymous said...

I had a 2 year old darter/escape artist ... and me being 8 months pregnant.... you get the picture.... We were the entertainment for others in the stores, in public, you name it....:P

Anonymous said...

I have a 19 month old who must be your son's kindred spirit--and I am SO glad that our kids aren't in soccer right now! And so many people have told me to "get a leash," but I think it would just make things worse. It's not like he would comply with the leash--he would just scream more I am sure! It s so nice when they get a little older and you can actually start to reason with them and they get consequences...good luck!ent

Sant Family said...

And how awesome! Considering his early bout with 5ths Disease. I have a child with special needs and sometimes I just laugh inside when they do something "normal".

Bradley, DeAnna, Donovan, and Chamae said...

I love it. My husband coaches soccer at a college so we spend a lot of time at games. He's 3 now and I've done plenty of chasing! The most memorable being this past fall when I was 7 months pregnant. After the game, the girls told me they were laughing from the bench. I'm glad everyone saw!!

Bradley, DeAnna, Donovan, and Chamae said...

And after reading some of the other comments, I'm reminded of the time he had to pee but didn't tell me. One of the other spectators kindly called my attention to the trees about 100 yards behind us. There was Donovan's bare bum sticking out as he peed on the tree. Awesome. He got plenty of laughs that day. What do you do?

Alex said...

LOL! You're posts are so cool! Way more interesting that you use quotes as if telling a story. Hilarious!

Alex

P.S. I run a giveaway blog. Currently giving away a Riptide skateboard by BLOCK series. Check it out?

http://www.trinkz.blogspot.com/

Rene said...

Same situation with my little guy (years ago) the kids on the team (they were 10-11 yrs old)solved it by making him the mascot and stayed after so that my 2 year old (almost 3), at that time, could "play". He looked forward to the whole game for when his turn to play was coming up. He was in charge of keeping the balls and passing out water cups and had a clip board so he could be officail.

Books at The Paperhouse said...

LOVE your site. I usually have to wipe the coffee off my monitor because I've laughed so hard reading one of your posts (probably should just skip the coffee while reading your stuff).

Anyway, wanted to pop in and let you know I've awarded you a Stylish Blogger Award. Follow the link to claim it:

http://booksatthepaperhouse.blogspot.com/2011/03/pay-it-forward.html

Much love,
Devon

Anonymous said...

Fake

Anonymous said...

U make it all up

Cami said...

Reminds me of my middle son's first soccer game. I was on an important phone call....ahem....and suddenly my daughter pulled at my sleeve. I looked over, realizing the game had been stopped. There was my son, all wrapped up in the net. Sigh. He later explained that he got bored and was pretending to be a spider in a web. I guess he never did like soccer. He is now 20 and is a beautiful ballroom dancer at our university! :-)

TracyKM said...

When my youngest was almost 2, my older ones were doing soccer too. The little one wanted in on it, especially since the youngest group were just a bit bigger than her. Luckily, I babywear and it's pretty difficult to get out of a ring sling or mei tai! Sadly, she had a growth spurt and blew past the 35lb-40lb limit :(

Beth said...

Yeah, I spent yesterday at the Minute Clinic trying to wrangle my two year old, who has an ear infection, by holding him by the hood of his jacket while I balanced the screaming six month old on my hip. He kept screaming because I wouldn't let him just run willy nilly all over the store. I am gonna buy a child leash soon

Kimberly said...

I still think the threes are far worse…. lol
Terrible two's, Horrifying threes….love it!

Sterling said...

As i read your posts i can't help but laugh and say your 2 year old is just like mine!!! makes me laugh and think glad i'm not the only one with a crazy toddler!!

Mama Hancock said...

I love this post! My five year old son has his very first soccer practice this Tuesday and I can't wait to post how it goes! This is really his first attempt at anything athletic... ever... so we will see how it goes. I also have a little one about to be one.. so I'm sure he'll be running into the field before long too! Thanks for giving me something to look forward to!

barefootquilter said...

That's how I felt at the post office today. 9th in line. 4 children. 16 month old kept making a break for the door and got out of it twice. While I stood with 3 year old wrapped around my legs both times not really wanting to leave my place in line, another woman dashed after him for me. Such a good mom I am.