April 6, 2011

Do You Have Alive Hair?

Last night, I got my hair cut and colored. The stylist (the same one as last time) restrained herself from commenting on my grooming habits until she pulled out the hairdryer.

"How often do you wash your hair?" she asked.

"Every day," I chirped. Experience has taught me that this is the answer that most health professionals want to hear. I say the same thing whenever I am asked how often I a) exercise b) brush my teeth c) perform breast self-exams d) drink 8 glasses of water.

The hair stylist stopped teasing my hair into a beehive. "You are going to wash this out in eight hours?" she asked incredulously.

"Probably less," I thought.
"Uh, no," I said.

Eventually I confessed and told the hair stylist about what my hair looks like when I don't wash it every twenty-four hours. The words I used are the same used to describe corpses: dead, lifeless, limp, and stinky.

The hair stylist did not buy any of it. She told me about a keratin treatment that was endowed with the power to resurrect with minimal washings. Like heroin, it would "wake my hair up" and keep it awake for up to three months. It only cost $300.

Although tempting, I turned the bargain down. The stylist was visibly disappointed and seemed a little offended that having alive hair wasn't as important to me as it was to her. I made it all better, however, by offering to set up her daughter with one of my husband's coworkers.

When I told my husband about the arrangement, he said, "Absolutely not."

35 comments

I'm Just a Girl said...

I prefer my hair not be "alive" and I certainly don't want to find anything alive in it!

Anna said...

Pretty good deal there--$100 a month, which breaks down to roughly $3.33 a day to awaken dead protein cells. Or, you could send ME $100 a month and I'll tell you to stick your finger in an electric outlet just once a month! I'll send you an email reminder. I take PayPal. Let me know, 'K? :D

Mrs. Tuna said...

I'm just going to shave my head and be done with it.

Babydreams2011 said...

That Keratin treatment is BS! My neighbor had it done on her daughters hair and after 2 weeks it looked just like it did before she went in!! Glad you didn't do it!

Amy said...

Funny, I had my mom cut my hair today, figured since I only needed a 3inch trim I could save some money by handing her the scissors.... The problem? Half got a 3 inch trim, the other half got about 5 inches trimmed. It wouldn't be so bad if I tilted my head a bit...no one would notice that my hair is slightly above my shoulder on the left side and a little past my shoulder on the right...right? Crap.

Seriously? I there is very few things I dish $300 on, hair isn't one of them!

Jenner said...

Yikes, I'd rather have corpse-like locks than spend $300!!! I hate going to the hairdresser. I cut my own hair 90% of the time and they are always so appalled that I lie and say someone else did it.

Mom said...

I hate to say that I am always the cheap one, but we go to the Supercuts training studio. The cuts are free and the stylists all have been cutting for years they just have to be retrained with the Supercuts method and lingo. You do have to put up with them asking what kind of product you use and such, but they have already figured out that you are cheap...free haircut, right?
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

LW said...

with a keratin treatment (and that one sounds super expensive!!) you have to use a shampoo that is sulfate free afterwards, otherwise the sulfate strips out the keratin.. also if it isn't going to fit with your lifestlye, don't spend the dough! :)

Vicky said...

She must've been having a 'bad hair' day in order to push a no brainer $300 sale on you. I have no problem telling them no although I do have a certain mousse I splurge for. To each his own.

Rocket Ma'am said...

I've never ever heard of that stuff and I certainly wouldn't pay $300 for it.
And for the record I only wash my hair if it's sweaty or dirty, like after a workout or the beach. Ironically my hair looks and behaves fabulous after 3 days of no washing, which gives me a great excuse to skip the gym.

Lynn said...

I like having clean, "alive" hair (although, the term "alive" when applied to hair sounds scary), but it's definitely not worth $300 every 3 months. I'll stick with my shampoo.

Sophie said...

Love your writing...but getting tired of the word "chirped." You're an incredible writer...so concise, descriptive, and consistently humorous..but are so many conversations really "chirped?"

Shannon said...

Hmm...I find my hair begins to look alive once it has been a few days since I washed it. But since I'm assuming your hair-dresser was intending alive to refer to something positive, I'll assume my version of alive and hers aren't the same thing. At all.

Diane said...

I have terrible hair. Fine, dull, limp, and lifeless myself. I tried to wear it long and straight to keep in style. I finally gave up and permmed it. Now all I have to do is wash and go. Simplicity is heaven.

Tracy said...

I love your attitude toward health professionals: tell them what they want to hear. That's exactly what I do. I saw a poll online that asked if people would lie to their doctors. Only 20 percent said yes. I couldn't believe it. I thought everyone did.

Cindy said...

I've had the keratin treatment and LOVED it! It really only lasted about a month, though. Of course, my sister-stylist did it for free because I watched kids one day :) I'd never pay that much for it!

Mrs. Ohtobe said...

Just chirping in! I wanted to chirp what a great post this was. I once had some anonyperson complain I used 'so' too often. Which made me use it even more and then I had a 'so' countdown after every post showing how many times I used the word 'so'.

Laura@livingabigstory said...

What a hoot! That reminds me of a Oprah I watched when she was talking about these $600 bras that we just HAD to have ... made me finally realize that I am in a totally different universe than some of people on earth.

Nancy said...

My hair looks very alive if I go to sleep without drying it first. My 2-year-old says (chirps?), "Mama, you hair standin UP!" I didn't know alive hair was a good thing. And I get it for FREE!

pollydove said...

Ohhhh ... you're funny! I have a daughter who is a hair stylist and she is always trying to get me to scale back on the hair washing too! I do wash it everyday and she thinks it is just SO much better to let it go an extra day. OH, and to use lots of products, which I also don't.

(P.S. I am 50 now and my hair is absolutely "dying" ... so sad!)

The Mommy Therapy said...

I have always been fascinated by the idea of this, but way too cheap to actually do it.

I wash every two or three days and mostly wear my hair in a bun because anything else feels too complicated in my crazy exciting life making pb&j and settling toy disputes. I'm super exciting.

Stacy said...

http://www.tresemme.com/Products/Fresh-Start/Fresh-Start-Dry-Shampoo/

About $5 at Target. When I have to run out the door and don't have time to shower, I use it. My greasy, limp, stinky hair is magically no longer greasy, limp, or stinky.

(And no, I don't work for Target or TreSemme - lol)

However, showering is always my goal.

Lin said...

I wash my hair every day too. I dont know what's up with me & my funky hair but it gets seriously oily/stinky overnight (gross, I know).

$300 for something to liven up hair? I'd of said no as well...that's crazy.

Rachel said...

Loved this blog, funny! I wash mine every day too...or it's oily. Yuck!

Anonymous said...

I've had the same sort of thing suggested to me... at a Great Clips. You'd think if I am spending less than thirty dollars on a wash/cut/blow dry that I am more than likely "cheap" and have no interest in paying that much money for a treatment! Also? The chick that did my hair/suggested the treatment had just had it done to her hair the day before and all I saw was greasy... I can go two days without washing my hair if thats the look I'm aiming for... :) Love your posts!

Anonymous said...

My hair gets oily too! Like the Tresseme product someone had mentioned. I have tried a few of the more expensive ones from sephora before the Tresseme one came out (my splurge since children were not allowing me to shower). My husband always said my hair smelled like cat litter w the expensive dry shampoos. Not what I was going for! Baby powder works great too!

Mama Hancock said...

It is hard to imagine that there are people in the world who have nothing better to spend there money on than a $300 hair treatment... I mean, I'm all about great hair... but I would rather spend $300 on massages! :)
Love your posts!

www.mamahancock.blogspot.com

GooChick said...

My stylist told me to only wash my hair every 4-5 days...but then again, mine is dry and color-treated (i.e. brittle and fake) so maybe that had something to do with it =) In all honesty, I prefer my hair "dirty" since it's easier to work with.

The last time I had my hair done I had a keratin treatment and I swear I was only charged an extra $10 for it. I liked it, but it certainly wasn't worth $300!

Tiffany said...

I'm fascinated by your hair, but easily the funniest part of your post was the list of things you claim to do every day. Self breast exams - classic!!! LOVED it. It made me feel chirpy.

Lulu26 said...

I only wash my hair twice a week because I don't have time to style it everyday. But I don't have oily hair so it actually looks fine....in LA people are raving about this keratin treatment.....you can get it on sale sometimes...
A friend if mine got it and it made her hair really flat.

Sweet Debbie's said...

Wen is a great, all natural, hair product for the most challenged hair. Makes it silky/shiny like back in the days when we were pregnant:)

Anonymous said...

I love your blog! Must tell you, I have had the keratin treatment 2x and will never go back to life without it. I live in Baton Rouge (hot, humid) and I play tennis. I can dry my very thick and (formerly) very frizzy hair in less than 10 minutes and I don't have to iron it. And even though I play tennis 3-4 times a week, I only wash it every 2-3 days. Seriously worth the investment. My stylist includes the shampoo in the $300 cost. TOTALLY WORTH IT!

Julie said...

"You are going to wash this out in eight hours?" What was she thinking? Her beehive was a work of art that should be preserved for all to see--heroin or no heroin?

Rachael said...

I get the treatment done and LOVE IT!!! But my friend does it for me for just the cost of the product!!

Crystal Peterson said...

I hate getting my hair cut for these reasons. I went in once and said " I know my hair is damaged, just cut it, and she continued to do this, and I was so mad.