Petting Zoo Horrors

I like most animals....from a distance. Zoos, especially those with glass enclosures, provide ideal wildlife viewing experiences for people like me who appreciate nature but don't particularly want to interact with it.

For obvious reasons, petting zoos are a challenge. Unfortunately, my kids love sticking their hands inside of the mouths of barnyard animals, so I frequent them more often than I like.

Immediately after I handed my toddler a cup of goat food pellets this afternoon, he dropped it on the ground. As I scrambled to catch the pellets before they fell between the cracks of the floor, my hand grazed something cool and squishy. That thing turned out to be a large native corn snake that had somehow slithered its way into the petting zoo and made it its home.

The crime scene

My scream forever endeared me to the zoo employees who had to deal with the mass hysteria that ensued.

"I can't do this anymore!" I cried to my kids. "I've tried but I just can't do it!"

Kellen was sympathetic to my plight. He put his arm around me and led me to the wash station, where I scrubbed my hands until they were raw. The other three were less generous in their responses. Cameron cried over his lost goat food pellets. Camber and Cortlen disappeared into the adjacent gift shop. When I went looking for them, I found them standing in front of the display window, holding a six-foot rubber python.

"Ha ha!" they laughed so hard they were crying. "You're scared of snakes!"

As I ushered my kids out of the Little Shop of Horrors, I saw something else move underneath the floor slats.

A zookeeper saw it too.

"Rat," he said matter-of-factly.

Never again. I love my children, but never again.

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Sarah, shoot me an email with your contact info and we'll get the shirt shipped out to you pronto. Congrats!