November 1, 2011
The Abomination that is Halloween Candy
My kids spent the better part of last night rolling around (literally) in their Halloween candy. They did this, of course, after first counting it, sorting it, sniffing it, offering to trade it and then changing one's mind at the last minute, and recounting it.
My husband and I tried to teach moderation a few years ago, but have long since given up on that ideal. Now I encourage my kids to consume their Halloween candy as quickly as possible.
The sooner it's out of my house, the less likely that I'll find it ground into the carpet in the dark recesses of my kids' closets.
"Who wants Skittles in their cereal?" I asked this morning.
Three hands shot into the air.
"Do you want to eat candy for dinner?" I asked this afternoon.
My kids pulled their heads out of their Halloween buckets long enough to ask me if I was joking.
"Absolutely not," I told them. "Go for it."
When my husband came home from work, my kids had chocolate dripping from their mouths.
"I'm a little grossed out," he said, as he watched them move like machines through the contents of their orange plastic pumpkins.
At eight o'clock, one of my sons announced the impossible. "I'm a little sick of candy," he said.
I beamed in satisfaction.
"Can I have some ice cream or something?" he continued.
Talk about gross.