Christmas Cookies

not so much

I don't usually hear voices, except in the middle of the grocery store around the holidays. Every year without fail the display of Christmas cookie ingredients speaks to me.

"You can totally do this," encouraged a mound of almond bark.

"You're not a woman if you don't do this," said a tub of peanut butter and a bag of Hershey's kisses.

"Buy me!" screamed a cookie press.

I swiped it all into my shopping cart before the candy thermometer could open her mouth.

I am deathly afraid of candy thermometers.

I had all of the cookie supplies stored safely out of view, that is, until this afternoon when I found my three year-old sitting on the kitchen counter, eating his way through a bag of toffee chips.

"There's a party in my tummy," he explained when I asked him what he was doing. "So yummy. So yummy."

I snatched the bag out of his hands, but it was too late. My older kids and their friends saw the forbidden fruit.

"Really?" my daughter asked, clasping her hands together in eager anticipation. It was like I was holding a large white horse wearing a purple saddle (her latest object of desire).

I learned very quickly that making cookies with seven helpers is seven times the fun.

My three year-old was tasked with unwrapping 25 Hershey's kisses. When he was done, he announced that he had licked four of the candies, but couldn't remember which ones.

My sons and their friends were thrilled to discover that when rolled just the right way, chocolate cookie dough bears a striking resemblance to dog feces.

My daughter was insistent on measuring everything herself, which resulted in cookie dough with twice as much flour as the recipe required.

"Exercise extreme caution," I whispered to my husband he came through the front door and was greeted with seven outstretched plates.

"Try mine first!" everyone yelled in unison.

"Hmm," my husband said, studying each of the objects with a critical eye. He found it hard to choose between the bloated snickerdoodles and the turds.

"Can we give the rest to our neighbors?" my kids asked. "Please?"

We all agreed that it's good to be generous around the holidays.