December 28, 2011

Fitted Menswear

Last night, my sister and brother-in-law (who are visiting us this week from Michigan) watched our kids so my husband and I could go shopping.

I don't know what is worse--taking my kids to the mall or my husband.

Every time I turned around, he was somewhere where he wasn't supposed to be--in the Apple store, trying on sunglasses at a well-stocked kiosk, and gazing lustily at cinnamon rolls in the food court.

"We're supposed to be here buying you new work clothes," I reminded him. I tapped my watch. Our time was short.

Part of the problem with this year's shopping expedition is that my husband likes to wear pants and dress shirts that are at least one size larger than his true size.

"Imagine this with a belt," he said, as he emerged from a dressing room clutching a pair of pants at the waist so they wouldn't fall down to his knees.

"People would think you lost twenty pounds if you wore clothes in the right size," I told him.

My husband pointed out that he doesn't care if the secretaries in his office think he is fat. He is more interested in wearing slacks that give him the same comfort and mobility as sweatpants.

"These pants are way too tight," he complained as he crouched down on the ground and spread his legs like he was doing the splits.

I was not impressed. "You act like you are going to be doing Jane Fonda workout videos in those clothes," I said. "All you do all day is sit at a desk."

"I feel like I am wearing a straight jacket," he griped when he put on the shirt.

"You no longer look you just stepped out of a 90s rap video," I corrected.

After a long standoff, we reached a compromise. He agreed to buy a pair of pants and a single dress shirt in his proper size if I agreed not to make him wear them until March.

The next two months has been declared a designated period of mourning.


Carrie said...

My husband is one of a few in his office that wears jeans to work everyday, he takes business casual a little too far in my opinion. He has issues when he travels for work because he has to dress up. In any case it would not be so bad if his jeans were not at least three sizes too big. Honestly, he complains he has no butt. Hmmm, the reason, it is hidden beneath saggy denim. He has one pair that fit and at first he fought it, now I notice he wears them frequently. Yet he refuses to buy more in that size! Oh and if he does wear dressy pants, he insists upon wearing the pleated kind. I can not stand that style!! It is so unflattering. He has started to listen to me about some of his shirts. He was buying grandpa style sweaters. I think that it was a wake up call when his 80 something year old grandpa had the same sweater in a different color. No lie. He has an obsession with red. We once took a trip and I looked over at his shirts hanging up and just cracked up, every single one was red!

The Llama Mama said...

Does anyone want to take a 6'3" stubborn redneck Irishman shopping? His weight is, shall we say, somewhere over 299 lbs...maybe I should stop cooking so much. He decided on Christmas eve that he wanted something nice to wear for the holidays (you know, other than a ratty sweatshirt with no cuffs). Keep in mind we live in rural Vermont where our closest store that sells clothing is a hunting store. Try telling this guy that just because a sweatshirt is new, black, and says Columbia on it, its NOT a dress shirt. In fact, thank you for posting this, because it has inspired me to write my own post about our pre-Christmas shopping trip.

Andrea said...

What do guys really do at the office all day? My husband does similar "test moves" when trying on clothes, I cannot fathom when he will ever high step around the office! We finally had some success when I told him the seam of the sleeves should be ON his shoulders, and that hanging over looked frumpy. That must have been the keyword. Glad to know my guy is not the only one who wants his dress clothes to fit loose enough he could do cartwheels freely!

Warren said...

I support your husband and his baggy pants.

Lin said...

Haha, your posts never fail in making me laugh!

Mom of 12 said...

I agree. That's about when the New Year's resolution wears off and I can go back to my normal life...and it's the same time the Girl Scout cookies arrive...

Emmy said...

Lol! My husband is super tall- 6'8" and would wear XXL shirts a lot for the length, but then we happened to see a What Not to Wear that had a tall guy who did the same thing and they talked with him about why he should wear a smaller size so my husband does now too.

Mal said...

My husband was wearing jeans a size to big until I took him shopping once during our engagement. I mentioned the pants he was trying on were too big and he said, "No. They sit right on my hips." If that were true he has the most bizarre anatomy and I could maybe make some money off him at a freak show. Unfortunately he's completely normal shaped, so I suggested a smaller size and he was like, "Wow! I don't even need a belt with these!" That's the point, my dear. That's the point.

Melanie said...

OH! This is LOL funny! At my house we have the opposite problem...jeans that are TOO TIGHT! We had a similar problem a few years back, only with shoes. He's worn a size 8-1/2 show since high school...hummm...that's 25 years ago! He kept complaining that a new pair of shoes were hurting! I suggested that he needed a bigger size! The light bulb finally turned on when the size 9's arrived! As for me, yoga pants are the best thing since sliced bread!

The Tall Girl Cooks said...

I'm loving this post and all the comments. My hubby is 6'4" and 185 lbs. so super long and lean. Finding him clothes that fit is a pain in the butt. If they fit his shoulders, the sleeves are too short. If the sleeves are long enough, the shoulders are too big. Et cetera! But what drives me the most crazy is jeans. He refuses to wear anything but relaxed fit jeans. I bought him a pair of boot cut jeans that were slightly fitted (not tight in the SLIGHTEST) and he about had a cow. "They're too tight! They don't fit right!" Ugh, they fit perfect and looked awesome and even showcased his buhdonkadonk but he refused to wear them. Until one casual Friday when every other pair was dirty (hee hee) and he finally caved and wore them to work. And got compliments. And now he wears them semi-frequently but won't let me get him another pair.

Men are prima donnas.

Gems said...

My hubby and malls are not a good mix at all. I love the photos you chose to emphasize your point...very funny. I would need a picture of the Grunge 90's for my hubby....he resists the nicer stuff until weddings force him to! He has a zero tolerance of any kind of shopping at all!

Number Whisperer said...

When good men wear bad's a crime. Mine complains that he doesn't like the feeling of the tension across his thighs. Sigh. Occasionally, I'll see him sneaking out in a pleated front. Horror.

Meagan Grant said...

The reason I love this so much I think, is because if I allowed my husband to come clothes shopping with me the same thing would happen.

He does not buy himself new clothes, sometimes I just pick a couple of things up for him, but he would prefer to wear torn and stained t-shirts and the same jeans for a decade. It was most funny when he had a sales job for a few months and put on a few pounds. He still didn't get pants that fit. He had the equivalent of a muffin top.

Shopping for anything with him is pretty horrible. God forbid I take a moment to read a label, he is sighing and eye rolling like a child.

Good thing I don't mind shopping alone, or with my one year old, who is much better behaved.

Becky said...

hahaha! i LOVE this post! i completely know where you're coming from. give him some time. once he realizes how awesome he looks in fitting clothes, you won't be able to stop the obsession. my man wore loose-fitting plaid collared shirts and pleated front khakis a size too large when i met him. it was everything i could do to get the boy into some fitting clothes. up until me, he just wore clothes his mom picked out in the same size as his larger dad & bros. want to see what he looks like now?! i actually posted about it earlier today! he's unstoppable now. check it out at

Ryan said...

Funnily enough my wife pointed me to this post. I am with your husband, being a guy that likes to wear big and comfortable clothes.

I would agree that wearing cloths that feel as mobile as sweatpants are ideal, and I simply sit at a desk all day as well.

My ideal work clothes are cargo pants that almost require a belt or else they fall to my ankles and a tshirt that is loose enough it looks like I lost 20lbs since I got it.

When cold I prefer to dawn a sweatshirt that is big enough for me and my 4 your old (45lbs) boy to fit inside of comfortably. (of course I have never carried him to the van inside my sweatshirt when its raining... lol).

I look like a bum sure, but there isn't anyone around me thats more comfy and comfort is all that matters. :)

eliana23 said...

What is with the leg potential exercises? My husband does the same thing.

Anonymous said...

ok. so. awkward.

I hate to be that person, and I keep trying to convince myself that it's my imagination and there is nothing wrong with that picture, and I am sure you weren't aware, and I hate to think that I am the only one who noticed, but I kinda think that Vanilla Ice's patriotic pants are, well, um, saluting.

there. I said it.

Like I said. Awkward.

Liz Johnston said...

My husband agrees.. but last month we found hidden elastic dress pants at JC Penny. They are awesome.. The look fitted but flex with overeating.. :)

My First Skool said...

Actually that man has a point !

Enrichment Class for Kids said...

Well, what do you expect from a rural guy. Of couse the sfahion

prozac and pregnancy birth defects said...

That blows the myth about how men hate going shopping.

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Love your blog!

stone hood said...

It is really nice shirt in the first picture.

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