April 17, 2009

GUESS WHAT I AM

* I'm obsessed with my private parts and the private parts of bronzed statutes of historical figures. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I like taking pictures of both.

* I break into spontaneous song in inappropriate places.

* I'm always asking the people around me for money.

* I can't keep my hands to myself, even when asked repeatedly to do so by an adult.

* My bodily functions serve as good conversation starters and are a quick way to direct attention away from the tour guide and onto myself.

* For inexplicable reasons, I enjoy drawing on my hands and arms with ballpoint pens.

* When I enter a gift shop, I head straight for the plastic muskets and colonial whoopie cushions.

* Privacy ropes, barricades, and "Do Not Touch Signs" do not apply to me.

* I only go to the bathroom in groups. If more than 6 people are willing to witness me evacuate my bowels/bladder, I am very popular.

* My chaperone has threatened more than once to confiscate all my money/candy and make me her special buddy for the rest of the day.

* I complain everywhere I go and nothing makes me happy except guzzling soda real fast and making loud burping noises in my friends' ears.

I am an:
A) eighth grader

B) a five-year-old


It's a tough one, I know!


*****
P.S. We tried hard to avoid "them," but it was impossible. The rain forced them to congregate in usually safe places such as the mall, the library, and the medieval wing of the art museum.
Thanx eighth graders! See you next year!

41 comments

The Carpenters said...

That's hilarious! I've taught 8th grade for 6 years and you pegged 'em! Way to go. ;)

The Mom said...

I was thinking it could have been any 1 of my 6 children... my husband was also suspect!

AverageMom said...

A boy. I knew it had to be a boy.

Kelly said...

Just wait until you have your own kids this age... It's swell.

Kate said...

You know, I thought very highly of myself in 8th grade. And then last year, when we were getting ready to move, I was going through some boxes and found my journal from 8th grade. As I read through it, I was filled with a) compassion for my parents who had to co-exist with me at that time, b) some self-loathing for ever having been like that, and c) absolute terror for my own children to reach that age.

God bless 8th grade teachers everywhere.

HW said...

That was the age when my son discovered Starbucks.
So, take every thing you've just posted and hype it up on cappucinos.

Fun times.

Oh, and eighth grade girls are worse.

WackyMummy said...

Thank you. You've scared the shit out of me thinking about The Boy when he reaches THAT age. Like we're not close to imploding right now as it is! I will be having nightmares for the rest of the week.

NOBODY said...

When I first started reading this, I thought it was a "more about me" type of post (missed the title) and I have to say, reading the first statement downright shocked me.

Then I realized you were describing someone else.

I totally would have guessed a 5 year old. Because I have one of those. Makes me a little sad that his maturity isn't going to develop one single bit in the next 8 years.

But at least now I know.

Wryle said...

Agreeing with AverageMom, I immediately thought "boy." The age doesn't really matter, as they NEVER grow up. :)

Anonymous said...

You just gave me a horrible flashback of being an eighth-grade girl with a CRUSH on boys like these. And I wonder why I've had problems in my dating life as an adult....

Dayna said...

Try BEING a sponsor to all those wonderful 8th graders. A few years ago I took 21 7/8 graders to DC. Despite their best efforts, the city is still standing.

Princess Pookie said...

Oh geezy...BOYS...I tell ya. I had the priviledge of teaching 8th graders and I swear I will never do it again! Wierdos!:D

Karen said...

Eighth-graders are totally different animals. I taught 3-5 year olds for 25 years and thought it was easier than subbing in an eighth grade classroom for ONE DAY!

Liz said...

The sad thing is.. it's not to far off from a 5-year old!! (is it wrong of me that I totally expected to see a picture of one of your boys! LOL)
I agree with 'The Mom'... husbands could also very well fall into this category! I just think it's a BOY thing.. their minds never really leave the age of five!

canadianmom said...

I grew up with all sisters and my mom as well, my son is the 1st boy in my family and you just described my son to a T and he is only 5 years old, I am now officially scared to let him age anymore!

The Mother said...

Gotta love that age. You know, the one that goes from four to 25.

The Crazy Coxes said...

I knew exactly who you were talking about - my sons! ;)

Brenda said...

Disgusting. Yet true. I am so scared of my kids reaching that age...

Gina said...

i am a little slow this early afternoon b/c when i first read this i missed the title somehow (it didn't click). and i was like "no way did she just tell the world she likes to photograph her privates".. then i of course re-read and the title hit me.
hehe :)

Sussey's Story said...

I was going to say a pre-teen boy!! Good Luck w/ the rest of Spring Break!!

Princess Danell said...

As the proud owner of an 8th grade boy, I must say you got it right. Oh, and add texting at the most inappropriate times and places and you live in my world.

American in Norway said...

So funny... not sure how I ended up here, but glad I did! Great blog! Funny...

Babs said...

I can so smell the dirt mixed with BO, Mt Dew and desparation.

Marci said...

I used to teach 8th graders, so I found this post particularly amusing and accurate!

cndymkr / jean said...

I've got a boy who is in 7th grade. This does not bode well for either one of us. He is hitting the hormonal teen years and I'm getting menopausal. No wonder the husband works so much.

Lisa said...

Yes, I have an 8th grade boy of my very own that I'm ready to send out as an apprentice or indentured servent, if anyone is interested.

HW said...

Dayna-
It was on a D.C. trip that my son discovered Starbucks. His group got delayed in Chicago overnight. Their chaperone returned home looking like she'd been through a war.

She is my kids' science teacher and I ALWAYS take her side and told them "She has earned my undying rescpect. Don't complain to me about her."

Diane said...

I'm going to have an 8th grader next year. I'm so excited!

Christine said...

I have a seventh grader well on his way to ...eighth grader. Luckily he's still sweet. (Cross my fingers)

Anonymous said...

What the allure was for 8th graders on plains parks swings Friday AM I will not know.
Claire and Kevin's mom from BB

Purplestamper said...

Welcome to my world.

Anonymous said...

And this is why I'm quitting the illustrious world of middle school teaching and staying home next school year...

Actually, the decision was made after one of my 6th graders busted out with "That's what she said!" in class the other day. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or write him up, so I decided to just quit my job instead.

Brooke said...

So funny!! I have taught them both and I would go with the 8th grader as the worst!!!!

Melissa @ A Child at Play said...

So that's what I have to look forward to? Wow.

Charlotte said...

You know the saying "you had me at hello" Well, You had me at obsessesed and private parts. I immediately thought hmmmmmm Boy/tween.

katrina said...

wow that sounds an awful lot like my husband! Husbands, 8th graders, 5 year olds-- they are a lot alike or maybe they just never grow up!

Chelle said...

LOL! I read the title and still thought it was one of those posts where you post several things about yourself. I re-read the first one a couple of times making sure I read it correctly and just laughed at how open and bold you were.

I have 6 years olds (3 of them) And I thought for sure it was the the 5 year old..but after reading the comments, it appears I have some fun times ahead of me.

BTW...they like taking pictures of each others privates too (even the girl.)

Christine said...

I feel so sorry for you, but I was nice and I am not sending my 8th grade until next week. She is a wild, giggly girl and I feel sorry for the chaperones and the stewardesses on the long flight there. I am not sure if girls are any better than boys, just different.

Aunt MeMe/Mindy said...

I have to admit, I am looking foward to my son being in 8th grade so much more than my daughter...I remember 8th grade..being a girl sucks! It is all drama. At least the boys get to have fun with it! haha....

the girls of gt said...

That is too funny! Middle school is an interesting time for everyone involved!

MommyAmy said...

Oh man... that has GOT to be the most awkward and crazy age! I really do think that's the age range I fear the most when it comes to my own kids. There is a reason why most people have their children one at a time...