May 31, 2010

House Pictures


Last week, my realtor Candy sent over a professional photographer to take pictures of my house for the Internet.

"I use a wide-angle lens to make the rooms look enormous," the man told me proudly as he set up his tripod in my kitchen.

I immediately began to wonder what I would look like if I was the size of a Brontosaurus.

"Do you take family photos?" I asked.

Sadly, the photographer takes pictures only of houses...and the occasional swimming pool and office building.

"My photographs aim to highlight the most flattering and desirable aspects of the home seller's property," the man bragged as he snapped away.

I followed the photographer around my house and yard, taking careful notes.

I don't have the proofs back yet, but here are some shots that I hope make the cut:

The Virgin Mary and friends
Location: my next door neighbor's front yard

Close-up of Christ's outstretched hands, filled with living waters


Decorative garden planter made out of plastic leg cast
Location: my next door neighbor's back yard

Rear Neighbors' underwear
Neighbor's estimated bra size: 34 B

I will be surprised if we get anything less than top dollar for our house.

25 comments

Evie's Story said...

This seriously made me laugh out loud!
We live in the backwoods of SC. In a lovely little house on the lake.

THe old man that you have drive by to get to our place however, has a bone to pick with a neighbor and has taken to collecting toilets (he has 30 of them presently) and displaying them as "yard art" along with tires and fake flower arrangements.


Really adds to our property value!

A Beehive said...

Thats hilarious, although I think we can all identify with trying t recycle something. Even if it is a leg cast. Yup an obvious selling point eco friendly neighbors are wanted everywhere.

Emily Heizer Photography said...

The Virgin Mary.. "And friends" HILARIOUS! LOL

And I know you took those pictures Jana, I've seen them before!

Malea said...

My dear, you and your blog complete me.

the thrifty ba said...

for that kind of entertainment-double the asking price!

Kandi said...

I've said it before, but you make me laugh out loud each time I read your posts. Don't ya just love neighbors? lol

Mal said...

Oh my gosh, I want to move there!

You're killing me, Jana!

Katie said...

I have seriously seen it all now! I mean a plastic leg cast...what the hell???

FabuLeslie said...

What? No flamingos? No garden globes? Where is the pickup from the 60s that almost works again?? This is a true disappointment.

Emmy said...

Lol! You have quite the neighbors

Michelle said...

I seriously can't breath after reading this post...I can't even read it to my hubby ! I have tears streaming down my eyes !

Thanks for the laugh !!

Pavithra said...

Stumbled on your blog sometime last week..LOVED it ! :D Count me in as your regular reader ;) Hilarious! Your neighbor's 34D should clich the deal for you :D

Anonymous said...

ROTFL... and Evie's story is hysterical too. I love your blog and how it brings up other people's equally at times, funny stories. Thank you for that!

Misty said...

cracking up laughing. good post! Thanks Jana

Kelli said...

TOO funny! :) I say tack on an extra ten grand for originality in decor!

Tracita Linda (Tracey) said...

Haha..I liked Christ's outstretched hands...I want that for my house!

Queen of Crafts, Current Events, and Such. said...

Those kinda people are inconsiderate....they dont think of the property owners around them...I have had the same thing happen to me...and No you prob. wont have a lot of people appreciate it as a selling point....

Amanda said...

You have to love neighbors, right? One of ours has a papason chair hanging from their front tree and they use it as a swing for their baby. They also have, what I'm guessing, is 95% of their material possessions on their front porch. Fingers crossed that they get a car on blocks next!

Jennifer said...

I did snicker, but I'm not commenting (yeah, jokes on me) because I am still mad that you are leaving Philly. I will miss having someone to complain about all this freakin' snow for me! TAKE ME WITH YOU, PLEASE? Uncle Sam won't let us leave.. we've been stuck in Jersey for ten years now.

kbreints said...

So funny! Love the underwear on display.... I have to say that I am a bit jealous of the commercial photographer though... I SENT my agent the photos to use. ;)

Vicki G. said...

@FabuLeslie, Jana will be legally required to obtain said flamingo, garden globe, and pickup truck (almost working), in order to obtain permanent residency status here in the South. We don't let just anybody live here, you know! ;) Jana, you always keep me laughing!

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