May 13, 2010

Why I Will Be Moving My Family to a Remote Cabin in the Middle of Nowhere When My Daughter Turns Twelve


1. Today my seven year-old daughter cut holes in her jeans to better blend in with all the sixth graders at her school.

2. She also asked if I could buy her a pair of two-inch heels to wear to my sister's wedding next weekend.

3. When I was putting her to bed tonight, I noticed that she had a maxi pad in her underpants.

I had to be shoved into a bra against my will at age fourteen. I prayed every night through middle school that I would never get my (.). I had to be reminded to wear deodorant and shave my legs well into high school. I lived--and still live--in fear of puberty.

Of course I have a daughter who does everything within her power to hasten its arrival.

In the midst of today's freak out, I did have a moment of revelation.

I know a woman has five daughters, all of them teenagers. Now I know why she looks the way she does.

*****
P.S. You guys are fun-ny! Love the responses to the last post.

43 comments

Skubaliscious said...

I have three daughters...I'm already making plans for a Rapunzelesque tower...two of them start school next year...I am VERY concerned.

stewbert said...

I have an almost 11-year-old.

There are reasons my blood pressure surges every single day.

And um ... there were pregnant 6th graders in my DD's school a couple of years ago (and we live in Happy Valley, UT), so your DD's wanting to blend in with them would freak me out.

Jen said...

Oh my goodness, she was doing this at seven! I am in trouble, at 3 my daughter is already a piece of work.


And I am sure you hear this all the time but I am new to your blog and I am really enjoying it. :)

J said...

Myy DD just turned 12. The good news is she is a triplet and has 4 brothers, so she may never have a date. Her dad says she can't date until she is 30 anyway.

But I feel your pain - totally.

www.teensandtriplets.com

Kirsty said...

I am so glad not to be the only one who plans to isolate my family on a desert island in a few years.

I have to LOL in amazement at the maxi pad. I was EXACTLY like you. I resisted my first bra until I was in danger of knocking myself out with a wayward boob, and the day I got my (.) was one of the most traumatic of my life. I held it as a closely guarded secret from all my friends because I just knew I was the only one to have been cursed with such shame...

May the force be with us all..

Jen said...

Gotta make that remote cabin like Briar Rose's in Sleeping Beauty. Oh wait ... she still found a man in the middle of the forest. Scratch that thought.

I have 5 daughters ages 20 to 12. Now you can see why I AM the meanest Mom. Thank goodness we had a son last so I at least have some sanity while the rest of them go crazy.

Melanie said...

You just wait until she starts driving!

No one told me about the anxiety of driving with new teenaged drivers!

There's more fun to come.....

sara said...

I have 3 girls, 7/6/6, and I'm seeing similar signs with one of my 6-yr-olds. I guarantee I will look awful by the time they're teenagers...

Mal said...

I always refused to buy anything with holes already in them. Holes have to be earned, my infantile adolescent friends. (And yes, I used two age-suggesting adjectives for the same group of people.)

Nacia said...

I unfortunately WAS your daughter, however it didn't happen until about age 12. Don't worry it might get worse, but then it will get better. I would kill for your dilemma though. My two boys constantly talk about farting, are farting, or blaming the other one for farting. Wanna trade?

http://momsinboyland.blogspot.com

Rachel said...

We may be joining you... if everyone that comments on your post says that they are also moving to the wilderness what will happen to the suburbs?

Tonight my son... informed me that he needed to keep a shoebox for a 4th grade project... he is barely making it out of sencond grade.
My daughter (4.5 yrs) sang Ke$ha to he dad and brother with more feeling a umph then Ke$ha herself. ...
I may beat you there.

Spring Jones said...

I have two daughters,14 and 11, and their father has told them both that they may date AFTER they are married. We will find each of them a nice boy to marry and they may get to know them after the wedding. Until that day they must stay far away from boys. By the looks they give him, I don't think they quite believe him.

Renny said...

You may tell your daughter my harrowing tale.
Puberty viciously attacked me at the age of nine. Incessant mocking of the way I looked (from guys AND girls) ensued from then until I was at least 15 in high school.
Tell her when you go from an A cup to a D cup in six months people make comments, kids AND adults, that make you feel fat and ugly. Along with the nasty, nasty stretch marks that make you feel subhuman.
Tell her of the awful breakouts that no amount of face wash can stop.
Tell her about how for the first three days of my period I could not function for the vomiting and cramping. Yeah, thats three days every month.
Tell her about my "friends" that called me fat because I didn't know what to do with myself or how to wear any clothes anymore.
Tell her what a loser you feel like when you're twelve and wearing misses sizes. Did you know they don't make clothes for 12 year olds in misses? Yeah. You basically feel like you're wearing old lady clothes with weird lace and funny boxy shapes.
Tell her about how I had no friends in high school and hung out with my mom on the weekend. (Yeah, that probably WILL terrify her!)
If you want, you can even throw in the fact that I had braces in high school and had to wear rubber bands on the front of my teeth, it looked funny. Didn't really have anything to do with puberty, but, still not cool, and may scare her anyway.
Tell her about how all this wreaked havoc on my self esteem until the age of... okay I'm 24 now, so we'll say 24.
Growing up is hard enough, but hopefully if you tell her my tale she will embrace her childhood even longer.
Feel free to elaborate on my grotesque looks and emotions in any way you see fit. You probably wouldn't be very far off base.

Pearl said...

Sounds like you need to be moving to your remote cabin sooner! YIKES! I was just like you. "please God, don't let me get my period, and please don't give me any boobs."

Loose Sparrow Arts N Crafts said...

Hilarious, and it makes me glad mine are grown. My daughter was crying one evening at about age 9. "What's wrong, Dear?" I asked.
"I don't want to be flat like you," she sobbed.

Courtney said...

My 3 year old has been wanting me to buy her a bra.... for a whole year now. I told her undershirts were "bra's" for little girls who don't have boobies yet.

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

Oh dear. Hold on. Good luck too.
I can't believe how fast kids want to grow up these days. They can take my place.

The Crane Family said...

Guessing I should list and start looking for land. My oldest of 4 daughters just turned 12 yesterday......

janaemadsen said...

what the heck. Some days I just want to take a pause because I did not sign up for that.
maxi pad in the undies is funny. Like a diaper.
Lucky for me my daughter will never be a teenager.

Eliana said...

I am feeling pain on your behalf. And gratitude for my sons. Good luck.

elianaosborn.wordpress.com

Jennifer said...

My youngest (6) announced the other day that she can't wait to turn 10, because she wants to have a baby!! We quickly had a vehement "talk" about how babies don't happen until you are married, and that doesn't happen until you are well into your twenties. Minimum.

16 was the age she would be allowed to start dating. Now I'm thinking that age is getting moved up to 25.

Jennifer said...

Not 10 - that's a type. Sixteen. She wants to turn 16. If she had said 10 I would be freaking out even more than I am now. :)

Cathryn said...

I remember the day when my oldest of 4 daughters (then 3) told her sunday school teacher, "when I grow up I'm going to have boobs just like my mom!"

She is now 23 and has nursed two children and boy-howdy she is livin' the life!!

HW said...

Our kids go to a public high school that has a pretty strict dress code. They are not allowed to wear jeans with holes!! Love it.

All I can say about raising a daughter: buckle up!! The ride will be BUMPY. In our house 15 was a true nightmare. Sixteen shows signs of sunlight peeking through the clouds, though.

And both females in our household are still standing.

grammaDawn said...

I was like you but 4 of my 5 sisters were like your daughter. I have 3 daughters and 2 step-daughters, (which we raised). I hate to tell you this, but your problems are only just beginning. You can run, but you really can't hide. The good news is, my daughters are grown now, we are best friends, I survived and really enjoy them again.

Raelin said...

My oh so sweet daughter is 10. We have been experiencing the "joys" of her moods/eyerolls for the last year and I just know it is going to get better!

My DH and I make sure that when I have had a rough day with both her and her 7yo brother, we remind them them that has we have notified the adoption agency and they are on alert to pick up at any moment should they continue to make me pull my hair out.

And I tell you.. these bald spots .. they are a'growin' and there are days when the adoption agency is VERY close to be put on speed dial.

Catrina said...

My oldest daughter is 6 1/2 and she has some pants with holes in them, she didn't cut them like that they are from playing and such they got ripped or whatever and she is just now okay with them having holes, I explained to her that people pay alot of money to have holes in their jeans.
I'm already fearing puburty as I have 3 girls right now and another girl on the way. My oldest already has a 16 year olds attitude problem.

Joanna Wilson said...

having raised 4 DDs and more or less survived them all i can say is beware of the last one-she's the ringer in the group! and Jen-my #5 was a boy also-wow-what a difference a genital makes!

Kristine said...

i SWEAR we are long lost sisters. I totally feel your pain, my parents MADE me wear a bra in 4TH grade! and then I stopped growing and I've been a A-cup ever since. It took me til I was almost 30 to wish for a C cup! ((and that it took me until I was about 16 to be "ok" with being a girl and what went along with that? scratch that, I still have issues in that area))

And DD? oh the makeup and the heels and the PMS and the purses and the bras and the crushes . . . she told me the other day, "Mom, I *AM* a woman now!!!"

Did I mention she's 4?

Anonymous said...

Wow! I didn't even know what a maxi pad was until I had to start wearing one and if I had cut my jeans I would not be typing this now because I would no longer be on this earth lol. My daughter is two and now I'm scared. I had no idea they were learning this stuff this early!

Lin said...

lol, I dont have any kids yet but I remember being 12 & wanting to do all the teenager stuff. Looking back I shouldve just enjoyed my childhood while I had it.

Once I have kids I'm probably going to be moving to an Alaska city where the population is like 50 & everyone wears eskimo suits.

Vicky said...

I have 4 daughters, 2 sons and live in the wilderness...If they can't get to it while at home, they will find it when they get out!!! Be afraid....be VERY afraid!!!!

jamie said...

hearing things like this make me realize that having boys is probably a little easier :)

Danielle said...

I have 4 daughters ranging in age from 13 down to 2. Luckily the oldest is of the "remind to shave and wear deodorant" crowd, but the second scares me to death. She already asked when she could get highlights in her hair. I told her she can get them when she wants to pay for them herself. That shut her up-for now.

Camille said...

My daughter swoons at the sight of the Jonas Brothers, refuses to wear shoes that do not have any kind of a lift, and is already changing wardrobes while I'm not looking. And she's 5! We'll be moving to a remote cabin by the time she's 6!
Cute post :)

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

My 8 year old has tried everything except the maxi-pad thing, probably because we don't have any around.

sanjeet said...

I am VERY concerned.
post free classified ads

A Musing Mother said...

I'm sorry. I didn't understand your post.

Shave your what?

What's deodorant?

Are heels like tennis shoes with cushion?

Are you moving by me? I know you want to be my neighbor. Mine is the double wide on three cinder blocks and a spare tire.

Katie said...

I have a 5 year old daughter and I feel your pain. While she has not tried to cut holes in her jeans, I certainly wouldn't put it past her.

wangzi said...

The bottom line is that if you are looking for a luxury Tag Heuer you should consider both brands as the are both high quality Swiss Tag Heuer Watches brands. They both have a huge following and Replica Tag Heuer Watches both are collector’s items. Replica Tag Heuer has larger collectors following then Tag watches but they both have a following.

wangzi said...

http://luxuryjewellery.obolog.com/
http://www.pianetablog.com/?w=luxuryjewellery
http://luxuryjewellery.publiku.com/
http://luxuryjewellery.skyrock.com/
http://tiffanyuk.sosblog.com/index.htm
http://www.tellthing.com/luxuryjewellery
http://www.tripslog.com/travel-blogs/luxuryjewellery/
http://tiffany.viviti.com/
http://designerring610.vox.com/
http://tiffanyuk.webs.com/apps/blog/

longge said...

http://www.gather.com/viewPostsByMember.action?memberId=869805
http://www.flixya.com/user/Replicawatches7
http://blogs.bigadda.com/joh5082108/
http://watch987.blog.friendster.com/
http://watch987.insanejournal.com/
http://replicawatchesclub.viviti.com/
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3ARY6LRGFLK7CJTSRJNET4DL3A/blog
http://watch987.wordpress.com/
http://hubpages.com/hub/watch987
http://watchwatch987.blog.com/

&_&

oyehitler said...

Fantastic work guys I’m a die-heart fan of your web site. Click Vets For Smart Power Link