February 4, 2009

Number 2

Yesterday, I wiped three butts, only one of which belonged to a member of my family.

The other two rear ends belonged to my older kids' friends from school. Everyone had a friend over to play yesterday afternoon and two of our three guests felt it necessary to rechristen the throne during their visit.

I was in the middle of making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I heard someone calling my name.

"Camber's mom?"

I turned around to find a kindergartner standing in the middle of my kitchen; her pants were around her ankles.

"I don't know how to wipe," she said.
"Seriously?" I asked.

Friend # 2 waited until ten minutes before his mom picked him up before doing the deed. Before closing the bathroom door, he instructed me not to go far; he too was not an experienced wiper. I spent several minutes trying to coach the five year-old through the closed door, but ultimately was forced to break my way in after the boy announced that he had reassessed his needs. After mulling over his options, he had decided that he would just wait to wipe until he got home.

"Do you go number 2 at your friends' houses a lot?" I asked my children very casually at dinner.

Cortlen looked up from chicken and answered my question with his eyes.

"Doesn't everybody?" they said.

***
Are my kids (and my kids' friends) the only ones who seem to take great pleasure in going to the bathroom in other people's toilets?

49 comments

Finton's Mom said...

Or when we get downstairs to dance, after she's already got her tights, leotard, and skirt on. Then we have to turn around go right back up the stairs to potty! But she didn't have to when she was getting dressed...5 minutes ago! What's up with that?

Anonymous said...

My son will poop ANYWHERE!! Friends and neighbors houses, the nasty bathroom at Wal-Mart!! Child has no discriminating taste when it comes to potty time!! He will also ask any available adult to wipe him as well. Does not matter if he even knows this person!! We have alot of talks about where it is and is not acceptable to go to the potty!

The Mommy said...

My Oldest Boy is like me. He can't comfortably go anywhere but our house. So much so that one day he raced in the door from school and straight into the bathroom. A few minutes later I heard, "So, NOW I know what happens when you wait too long..." Got that visual? Good.

Robin said...

Ohhhhh Nooooo.....our little next-door neighbor comes over every single stinking day after school....which coincidently coincides with the same time he needs to take a big messy poop! He stays in the bathroom FOREVER and then summons me when I need to come and wipe him. UGH! He also is in kindergarden. I asked him the other day if the teacher has to wipe him too, and he said "No, I just don't poop at school, that's nasty!"
Well, it's nice to know that my bathroom is one step up from the schools bathroom. :)

Robin@http://alabamaslackermama.blogspot.com/

jenj22 said...

my children prefer public places, stores, gas stations, ect.... any place that requires me to go into a nasty restroom and cover the potty with toilet paper.

InkMom said...

I asked my twins if they ever poop at school, because heaven help their preschool teachers if they have 16 little butts to wipe every day. They both, in unison, looked at me as if I had just suggested they, oh, I don't know, drink their own pee. "Mommy. We DO NOT poop at school." This makes me feel better about road trips because I know they can hold it if they have to . . . but have I created monsters that can only do their business in the comfort of their own homes? Damaged goods, I tell you! My children will be damaged good should they make it successfully to adulthood!

Now, when it comes to pee, they will go anywhere. And I mean that. They actually prefer it if there is no restroom available because that means they can just whip it out and pee in the bushes. Thank you so much, Daddy.

Anonymous said...

or how about the kids that are still potty training and you end up giving them a bath because it is EVERYWHERE!

Anita said...

This cracks me up!!! When my son Nick started preK I mentioned to him that he would have to wipe his one bottom if he pooped at school, he quickly retorted, well I'm not doing that there. At age 6 we told him, that was it, no more wiping from mom and dad. We bought a box of flushable wet wipes and for about 3 years that was the only way he would wipe. He told us it was gross, but not too gross for us! I doubt any of my kids will do #2 at any friends house, they just like the throne at home I guess!

April said...

I still remember being 4 years old and telling the neighbor boy that when he was done, I would get my mom to wipe his butt for him. He was like, "Nah-Uh. No way!" He didn't come over much after that.

InkMom said...

I know I have already used up my comment space, but this was so timely that I just had to share.

Just now, ConMan, one of the twins, called to me from the bathroom. We all know what that means. I arrived to find him standing on the stepstool at the sink waiting for me to turn the water on, which I did. Then, he announced, "Mommy, I need you to wipe my bum. It's right behind me."

I nearly died laughing.

Holly said...

I have so many things I could say in this comment box but I will limit it to this:

One of my neighbor's boys comes over fairly often. EVERYTIME this kid goes to the bathroom he poops. AND he doesn't wipe himself. I think he has some intestinal issues because it's always a certain... texture?

Ick!

andiewade said...

my daughter's only 3, but pretty well potty-trained. she announces to me every sunday after sunday school that she poopied for her teachers. i know she must be their special joy.

springrose said...

There is a little boy in our ward that always has to go at church. Usually during primary. And of course he won't go in the womens bathroom, he is 5 but not in Kindergarden yet. Anyway walking down the hall you will hear..."I'm done!!! I'm Done! I'M DONE!!!" So what ever adult that is walking by has to ask who is in there, because it is usually a woman doing the asking. Then they now have the job of finding his dad so he can go into the bathroom to wipe him.
What ever happened during potty training that as parents we don't teach that part anymore? I guess we just got sick of the underwear streaks, so we started wipeing for them. Kind of like my nepehew that is 13 and can't tie his own shoes, he wears velcro or his parents tie them for him. Just so you know he is super smart, nothing wrong with him, parents just have never taught him! Sad people,really sad!

Carrie said...

I want the kids that don't poop in school. I am a Kindergarten special ed. teacher (meaning we have primarily pull ups in the room). My students are fine with pooping at school, just fine with it. But on the good side, we have the gloves and the heavy duty wet wipes!

Falken's Mommy said...

My three yr old son has been potty trained for about a yr and half, (grandma watches him during the day) what a miracle worker she is. Anyway he is so independent that he does not want any help from anyone. He does a pretty good job, but I always check just to make sure he is clean. Needless to say he doesn't like it very much when Mommy has to re-wipe what he has already wiped. But alas he too would prefer to go anywhere but home. It never fails the minute we walk into a store i hear......Mom I need to go potty

Carrie Watts said...

Hmmm! I remember a couple of Mathews kids who pooped in my house but missed the potty. I wonder whose kids they were. I believe their mom writes a funny blog called "the meanest mom". Hmmmm. I

Signed,
your favorite BUTTHEAD (a.k.a. bikini mom)

Diane said...

My youngest is 5 and is just starting to wipe himself. It is hard because my options are wipe him myself, or end up with a plugged toilet and/or an itchy bottom later with skid marked underwear.

HW said...

My son is still a very shy pooper. Sadly at age 17, he isn't very discreet when he walks in the door at the end of the day and makes it known he must head straight to the bathroom. I keep reminding him that no, those aren't cuss words but they are crude. It doesn't help that his father laughs.

Oh, and he'd be thrilled to know I just typed this.

Anonymous said...

Well... when ya gotta go...

Cindy said...

My sister sometimes tends a little boy who ALWAYS poops at her house. Literally, he's never been to her house without pooping.

wannabee free said...

I agree with a former post-er, what's wrong with teaching your kid to wipe? My 2 year old does, as does my 4 & sometimes my 6 yr old. But it isn't because she doesn't know HOW. She doesn't like to, but she would NEVER ask someone else to come wipe her. She'd just carry around the skid marks for the rest of the day. As well they should. He who does not wipe his own bum deserves to wear skid marks. Maybe I can't claim The Meanest Mom, but how about The Meanest Neighbor Mom

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

First of all, how cute is Cameron?

And once, we went to go see my friend's *new* home, and my 4 year old decided to initiate their new bathroom with his business. Apparently there was a little wiping casualty, because he managed to somehow get poop on his foot that made a trail out the door, down the stairs, and across the kitchen. I about died.

dddiva said...

Wait til they get older... luckily I have girls but my nephew... let's just say there better be a plunger handy, and not just at relatives houses.

togetherforgood said...

This reminds me of when my son started preschool-- I had always just wiped his butt without really thinking about the fact that I was actually raising a helpless child.

Apparently he completely freaked out in the bathroom at preschool one day because his teacher said she would not wipe his bum until he had actually *tried* to do so himself.

He didn't poop in public for a loooong time after that.

Now theoretically he can wipe his own bottom but as the One Who Does The Laundry I question his ability.

Nobody said...

Okay, "Camber's Mom?" made me cry.
That is so dang funny.

My son won't poop anywhere but here. So, he saves it. And a few weeks into school he saved a lot. And then crapped all over my entire bathroom because there was too much, not enough time, and poor spatial relation skills. I can only assume that was why I was sanitizing the wall behind the hand towels.

~~Missy~~ said...

My son will go to the bathroom everywhere he goes, just so he can check out their bathroom.
However, he does know how to wipe himself.

Kim said...

My son's friends use our bathroom all the time, but I refuse to wipe butts. No way! I admire your courage because I can't even stomach wiping my own kid's butt. I also keep the flushable wet wipes available, because they seem to be easier for little kids to use.

MissMeliss said...

OMG that is hysterical. My nephew will go anywhere, too. If we go garage-saling, he'll ASK to go at almost each house!! yikes. He doesn't always, of course... but it seems to be something that kids like.

My daughter is only 2 years old, so we haven't gotten to this yet!! lol

Rachel said...

ROFL. Awesomeness.

Try being a kindergarten teacher - muwhahahah!

Jana said...

I am dying with laughter right now. Your stories are so dang funny!!!

fidget said...

my oldest likes to poop at school, loves it in fact. No siblings beating the door down and no one gets on her for how much paper she uses. I'd probably go poo at her school if the TP was sturdier then moth wings

Crystal said...

Wow! Honestly, I am a little surprised at a kindergartner not knowing how to wipe. I mean, I know my kindergartner is by no means an expert at it, (as evidenced by the occasional pair of underwear) but she hasn't really required assistance since she was three. She went to 2 years of preschool though and had to be completely self sufficient in the bathroom to attend. Maybe that is why...I've never really thought about it before.

I think it's very generous of you to wipe another 5 year old. I would have just let them wait till they got home. Yeesh.. Ick.

Just out of curiosity though, I asked her if she goes #2 at school or friends houses, and she said she always waits till she gets home.

Latu-Vaki Family said...

I love a good reason to talk about poop! I'm just entering the potty pooping stage with my son. He's almost three. Took forever to get him to pee in the toilet. He refuses to poop in there though. My husband on the other hand will hold it. And waits for all visitors to leave the house. Then spends a long time in there. I'm thinking of getting him some reading material.

The Eadle Family said...

lol, tip to self ... teach my daughters how to wipe when potty training. lol.

emma jo said...

I try and make it a point to not ever wipe a bottom that is A)not my own or B)I did not birth. But kudos to the kids who feel so unashamed that they could invite their friend's mother into the commode with them. And about the shampoo thing, I have a daughter that regularly refilled the foam pumps of soap with water until I started making her pay for them. Then she stopped.
And just for the record, I find you simply hilarious...in a good way.

Rene said...

It is the ultimate adventure when you are just a little kid. Finding the best and most exotic toilets takes a lot of thought and planning. Just consider it a gift.

Morgan and Derek said...

Um, yeah, the more toilets he can visit in his lifetime, the happier he'll be...

Renny said...

That was my least favorite part of baby sitting. Seriously, what is the statute of limitations? I feel like a five year old should be able to wipe themselves, and if they can't, then yes, let them leave it til they get home(but only if they are leaving immediately)... sorry, I have no children so I suppose I am a little less forgiving in this area. Once in nursery a little girl sat on my lap. She was three and wearing a diaper and apparently she needed to go real bad... yeah, that was at the beginning of nursery... which wasn't even my calling. The joys of your mom being primary president.

Nikki said...

I just always assumed it was my kids' way of marking their territory, you know, like my dog does when he goes outside??

Lindsey said...

I was watching my friend's little boy and he decided to go. He's three and well trained, but not well enough. It was only pee, but he didn't have aiming skills and just let it fly all over the back of the toilet. It spilled all over my floor too.

Why?! :-P

Elizabeth said...

A buddy on a playdate had a poop accident at our house. My husband cleaned him off, set him up in a fresh pair of Spiderman underwear and sweats.
My son is still mad that his friend never gave back the underwear!
My son (6yr old) will go to the restroom 3 or 4 times during a restaurant visit if there are auto-flushing urinals and paper towel dispensers with motion sensors.

{leah} said...

My kids LOVE pooping anywhere and everywhere they can {fortunately for me all in the toilet}. Stores, parks, roadside gas station, and yes at the friends house. But my joy comes in the fact that dad taught them to wipe their own rear-end. Since I've had potty trained boys I've had boys that wipe thre own butt. I totally brag about that!!

Donna said...

Ugh, it makes me sick to wipe other kid's butts. I can handle my own child's, but I have such a hard time doing it with other kids!

Tech363 said...

Bathrooms outside of the home seem to be a magnet to small children. At least they were to my son and daughter. My daughter is 6 so they still have an appeal to her. My 11 year old son has grown out of that phase.

donna said...

Once when I picked my son up from a friend's house, I discovered that he was in the shower. Apparently a bathroom trip had gone terribly wrong. My friend handed him a clean pair of underwear, a plastic baggie (for the defiled pair,)soap and a towel. After that he was on his own.

Aunt MeMe/Mindy said...

This is great stuff! Our 4 yr old son will and does POOP ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE! I think it is mandatory that he leave his mark whereever we may venture!

He is also LAZY!! He knows how to wipe but chooses not too. At school, he prefers not to wipe at all and lucky mom and dad get to deal with it when he gets home. I have thrown away so many pairs of underwear. I only buy the "generic" ones now. He is not allowed the cool ones with characters until he cleans up his act!!

At home, it is "I tried but you need to check"!! Will this ever end? Our daughter was SO EASY! She potty trained quick and easy.NO ISSUES AT ALL!

MommyJ said...

When my oldest was five, I got a call from his kindergarten teacher, saying he was sick and needed to come home. Sure enough when I picked him up, he was nearly green with discomfort... the discomfort of needing to GO... if ya know what I mean. I took him home, he did his business, and he was absolutely fine. That's how much he did NOT want to do it at school... I can't blame the kid though. His kindergarten class had a bathroom IN the classroom... who wants to go stink up the little bathroom while all your friends are wondering where you've been for so long and why you smell so bad?

kori bates said...

I thought of u when I saw this...check it out!

http://glittergonebad.blogspot.com/2009/01/inappropriate-bathroom-decor.html

reminded me of one of your post with the cake that looked like poop...LOL

Anonymous said...

My three year daughter will poop anywhere and I mean anywhere. Sometime the public bathrooms aren't all that clean- so I have to lift her over the toilet. That's not the funny part... she like to "give" her poopies to family and friend. She'll poop a nugget and say "Mommy that one was for you" the whole town will get one (even the family cat..lol) She'll make sure her Daddy knows how many poopies she made him that day.