April 23, 2009

Definitely Smarter than an Eighth Grader


Despite the endless rain, I couldn't wait another day to see if my national monuments were still intact, or if they were desecrated by eighth graders. We strolled up to Independence Hall just as a tour guide was leading a group of what appeared to be more eighth graders into an antechamber where they would be treated to a ten-minute lecture about the founding fathers.

During the lecture, my children busied themselves digging through the dark cavities of my purse in search of a rogue breath mint or piece of gum. They took a break from their treasure hunting only long enough to answer the tour guide's questions.

"Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?"
If any of the eighth graders knew the answer, it wouldn't have mattered. Three hands shot up before the tour guide got to the second word.

"Thomas Jefferson!" screamed Cortlen when called upon.


"Who helped Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence?"

Kellen and Camber waved their arms so wildly that they practically fell out of their chairs. "John Adams! Benjamin Franklin!" they barked in quick succession.

The eighth graders' teacher stopped me on our way out of the building. "Your children's knowledge of American history is very impressive," she told me.

"That's because they are all geniuses," I said. I failed to add that my children have heard the same lecture no less than twenty-seven times.

As if to prove my point to someone, if not myself, I rephrased the tour guide's questions to them on the drive home.

"So who is Thomas Jefferson again?" I asked.

"The first baseman for the Phillies," answered Cortlen matter-of-factly.

"That's what I thought," I replied.

***
Just a reminder: TOMORROW is the last day to register for the MOTHER'S DAY GIVEAWAY! C'mon! What do you have to lose? Nothing that your kids haven't taken from you already!!!

28 comments

WackyMummy said...

You're right... I have no dignity left... go ahead and sign me up for the giveaway (sigh). Thanks. ;)

Carrie said...

Your posts always put a smile on my face. I look forward to visiting your blog each day. And I need that "No Whining" pendant! Maybe if my kids see that command in sign form, they'll obey!

Marci said...

As usual, hilarious!!!

Lindy said...

It's why I watch Jeopardy early in the day and then re-watch it with my husband later.

My level of intelligence is OUSTANDING.

Ashi and Rami's Ima said...

Oh, I never had any dignity in the first place - I just somehow missed the giveaway. Sign me up, lady. :)

My Life Through My Thoughts said...

OMG! That is so hysterical! I was so impressed when I was reading this, then I burst out laughing when you got to the end. Thanks for making my day!

Kira said...

Perfect.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the disclaimers at the end of this story, for those of us with kids the same age who don't know nearly as much American history. (We live in Columbus, Ohio, I'm sure my kid could rattle off the names of Buckeye football players. *sigh*)

April said...

We got in line to get tickets for the national park in Cozumel, Mexico behind 200 high school band kids. That will teach us to vacation on spring break! I should have been in band in high school. They get to do all the awesome trips. (Note to self, put daughter in band and be a chaperone.)

Christa @ Quintooples said...

LOL!!!!! That's hilarious.

The Mom said...

We get Wheel of Fortune two hours earlier than my mother in law. So my husband texts my Sister in Law the answers. It drives my Mother in Law crazy that my Sister in Law is sooooo smart!

Thanks for making me think of this!

Crista said...

Hilarious!

The Mother said...

Yours might know those answers because they've heard the lecture before.

Mine know those answers because they've seen "1776" about twenty times.

Hillori said...

You are so funny! I would love to be signed up!! You rock!!

musingsfromthemamabear said...

I can't tell you how I look forward to reading your blog every morning. I start checking it at about 7 a.m. and have harvested several of your ideas for use in the torture of my own child.

We hosted a variation of your pet party for our little guy's birthday and I put out a dog bowl full of coco puffs. When my cousin arrived, she took it off the table and was on her way outside to give it to the dogs.

Just Another Mom... said...

Point taken! Everyone else's children are not near as smart as they appear!

The weight has been lifted! I feel GREAT! Thanks! ;)

Karen said...

That is the best! Truly one of those moments that make you wonder what exactly happens to the pubescent brain.

Mine would only know because they have watched both "National Treasure" movies so many times that they could recite it in there sleep.

jenyphrc said...

I just love your blog.. you are hilarious and I feel a kindred spirit in you, because you are displaced and dealing with the same culture shock I deal with. I assume you are probably really from NC or the south, because you called it a "purse" and everyone else around here calls it a "bag". I get strange looks when I say, "purse". You see, I spent the first 25 years of my life growing up on the gulf coast and then married a military man... which brings me to our location of south Jersey, not far from Philadelphia.. so.. I relate to everything you write!

magsthemom said...

I like reading your blog each day. I have 2 sets of twins so I like to hear what other mom's with twins are going through. My first set are 8th graders. I have read your blog about 8th graders descending on you with some sympathy as one of our 8th graders is spending this week in our nation's capital with a school group. I'm sure you'll be glad when they all return home.

the girls of gt said...

Too funny! Thanks for making me laugh!

Rachel said...

I love it. I remember correcting the docent on the state capital tour in the fourth grade. About what I am not sure I just knew that she had not covered some important information that had been covered on the 30 tours I had been on prior. I admire that you continue to explore your city with your children and all the 8th graders. I think I would be hiding out at home.

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

I don't know what made me laugh harder. Your post, or Lindy's comment. Serious funny stuff!

ecuakim said...

Oh man, this post had me falling out of my chair. Thanks for the laughs. I told my cousin the other day that I read the Nie Nie Dialogues for perspective and The Meanest Mom for validation. Everyday. Thanks for the laughter.

Kelly said...

I know will all the entries I will not win, but I am trying to be positive. Please sign me up.

ModernMom said...

LOL Too cute!
Love the name of your blog!

Angee said...

The Phillies will definitely win it all again with Thomas Jefferson...

Reb said...

When are you moving to Colorado so we can be neighbors and I can have a laugh every day? Great post.

Blessings of Health and Prosperity said...

You are so funny! I also enjoyed some of the comments about getting Wheel of Fortune at different times. I never thought of that. I'm so gonna screw with my mother in-law!! Teeheehee!!! Blessings, Celene