June 7, 2011

The Sobriety Test

When I woke up this morning, I did not plan my day around spending five hours in a run down strip mall.

But that's what happened when I got new tires for my car.

Within minutes, it became apparent that I wasn't going to leave the tire store without spending less than $500. In addition to new front tires, I also needed new front and rear brake pads.

Our stay in the tire store's waiting room was brief. My two year-old helped himself to a cup of water from the cooler in the corner. When I attempted to help him drink it, he got mad and dumped the cup on my head.

"Hee hee!" My older three kids very much enjoyed seeing their mother drenched in ice water. Their mother was less pleased.

We spent the next two hours perusing K-Mart. We spent the bulk of our time in the candy aisle. Fantasizing.

My two year-0ld turned everyone's dreams into reality by ripping open a jumbo bag of gummy bears in the middle of the aisle. My older kids descended on the spilled treats like rabid hyenas.

After purchasing what was left of the candy, I walked the hyenas to an abandoned corner of the parking lot. There we played every game known to man. And, when desperation hit, even a couple that I made up.

No one questioned me when I asked them to walk in a straight line with their arms outstretched.

My daughter thought that it was a little weird when I asked to smell her breath.

"Why are we doing this?" she wanted to know. She also wanted to know why I was giggling to myself.

"You passed," I told her without explaining. "Congrats."

Kellen was up next. He tripped over himself and fell on the ground. "This game is fun!" he chirped.

I sent him to jail.

21 comments

Raising Marshmallows said...

Too funny! Definately more entertaining than Duck,Duck,Goose.
You crack me up!

Janet's page said...

A big smile before I go to bed. Thanks:)

happyfamily said...

I had a similar experience at Costco. I went to get my tires changed with my 2 kids. 3 hours later it was naptime and we couldn't take it anymore so we left with our car not fixed.
The second time they told us they didn't have the right kind of tires for our car after I played it "safe" and took the bus somewhere fun instead of waiting around Costco. The last time we got to wait another 3 hours at Costco and the surrounding region. I feel your pain.

Mum on the Run said...

Ha ha ha.
:-)

PDCScarbroughpage said...

Quick thinking on the fly! What a fun game!

Melanie said...

He he...fun game. Never would have thought of it on my own. Thanks. :) Love the story.

Bossy said...

I've found that staying in the waiting room with my kids tends to lead to my van being finished much faster. Of course I also encourage them to be annoying so the shop will hurry up. Nothing helps cut to the front of the line than a kid asking the guy at the desk what he's doing every 5 seconds...

Kira

The Bus Driver said...

you should teach your kids how to play "random"....

its when one kid asks an off the wall question like:

"what did the bluebird do with the cherry?"

and the other kids offer a random one word/phrase answer like:

"spaghetti'o's"

then the asker chooses the most random answer and then the person who answered with that gets to be the new asker.

Mom of 12 said...

Were you a police officer in a former life? I'll have to remember this one the next time I get stuck waiting in line at the DMV.
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Kelly said...

That is truly funny. What a creative mom you are.

Apron Appeal said...

I remember hearing once that the "you break it you buy it" or in your case, "your kids open it you buy it" retail mantra is really just a trick. They cannot make you buy anything if their display isn't customer proof then it's their problem, not yours...but don't quote me on that. ;)

Kristina said...

I feel your pain. I had to renew my drivers license the other day. Four kids at the DMV is great! You should try it.

eliana23 said...

This will come in handy in the late afternoon today. Nothing better than killing time with kids.

Laura, Ben, and family said...

did they get to try to say the alphabet backwards? That would entertain them for about twenty minutes!

Jen said...

I love coming here, you always make me laugh :)

Staceroo said...

Love it! Nice job entertaining them/yourself for so long!

I'd love to give you a blog award - I love reading your posts - they make me laugh out loud! Head on over to pick it up later on http://mommyagainstaceroo.blogspot.com/

Jen said...

absolutely awesome!

The Mommy Therapy said...

It's good to practice these types of things. Too funny. Thanks for sharing!

Chris Tani and Princess Brielle said...

So funny! I love your blog.

RoryBore said...

LOL..I'd use that one, but hubby already does that. He says he is practicing for when they are teenagers coming home late... I think he just likes his job too much!

Nicole said...

Wait till they're 18 and think of this game...it will all make sense...maybe subject of a therapy session:-):-) funny